Julien Baker - Sad Song #12 (New Song) (Live) lyrics

If I could do what I want, I'd become an electrician I'd crawl inside my ears and I'd rearrange the wires in my brain A different me would be inhabiting this body Have two cars, a garage, a job, and I would go to church on Sunday A diagram of faulty circuitry explains how I was made Now the engineer is listening as I voice all my complaints From an orchestra of shaking metal, keeping me awake I was just wondering if there's any way that you made a mistake? ‘Cause I miss you the way that I miss nicotine If it makes me feel better, how bad can it be? Well, I heard there's a fix for everything Well then why, then why, then why, then why not me? The first to label someone as sick and in repair Wore my red shirt to the clinic, decorated my laminate name No one is laughing from an audience of folding plastic chairs And I'm not fooled when you tell me that you're glad I came Am I honest to admit I'm just a hypocrite? I know I should be being optimistic, but I'm doubtful I can change Grit my teeth and try to act deserving And I know there is nowhere I can hide from your humiliating grace ‘Cause if you swear that it's true, then I have to believe What I hear evangelicals say on TV God, if there's enough left after everyone else Then why, then why, then why, then why not me?