Julien Baker - Happy to Be Here lyrics

If I could do what I want I’d become an electrician I’d climb inside my head And I’d rearrange the wires in my brain A different me would be inhabiting this body Have two cars, a garage, a job And I would go to church on Sunday A diagram of faulty circuitry Explains how I was made And now the engineer is listening As I voice all my complaints From an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake I was just wondering if there was any way that you made a mistake Because I miss it the way that I miss nicotine If it makes me feel better, how bad can it be? Well I heard there’s a fix for everything Then why, then why, then why Then why not me? The 1st of April saw the sickening repair Wore my best shirt to the clinic decorated with the laminate name No one is laughing from an audience of plastic chairs And I’m not fooled when you tell me that you’re glad I came Am I just honest to admit or just a hypocrite? I know I should be being optimistic but I’m doubtful I can change Grit my teeth and try to act deserving When I know there’s nowhere I can hide From your humiliating grace Because if you swear that it’s true Then I have to believe What I hear evangelicals say on TV And if there’s enough left after everyone else Then why, then why, then why God why not me?