Judy Kuhn - Welcome to Our House on Maple Avenue lyrics
[HELEN] He wants the Hepplewhite suite chairs back in the parlor Move the G.I. Joe, it can't be on the floor He wants the Dresden figurines back in the breakfront.A slinky messes up the period decor Get the Lemon Pledge and dust the–- They should face the same direction He wants it vacuumed, the surface gleaming He wants it closer to the doorHe wants, he wants, he wants-- He wants the bra** candelabra set at an angle The crayons and the glue should go back in the drawer He wants the bust of Quixote square on the mantel Sweep that lint away, it's what a broom is for Gently wipe the eucalyptus Polish up the crystal prisms When he comes down here, he wants it ready We've got to get it done before He wants, he wants, he wants–- [BRUCE] Where's my bronzing stick? [HELEN] It's in the–- [BRUCE] {slams door} [ALISON] Welcome to our house on Maple Avenue!See how we polish and we shine? We rearrange and realign Everything is balanced and sereneLike chaos never happens if it's never seen [ALISON & HELEN] Every need, we anticipate and fill And still… [SMALL ALISON & HELEN] He wants the real feather-duster used on the bookcase [JOHN & HELEN] Find all the books we read, and carefully restored [CHRISTIAN & HELEN] He wants them alphabetized by cla**ification [HELEN] A volume out of place could start a third world war [KIDS & HELEN] That's an inch out of position! Watch it, that's a first edition! [HELEN] What are we missing? What have we left out? When he comes down here, what's in store? [HELEN & SMALL ALISON] He wants, he wants, he wants-- [HELEN, JOHN & CHRISTIAN] Welcome to our house on Maple[SMALL ALISON & ALISON] Avenue.Welcome to our house on Maple See how we polish and we Avenue Shine? See how we polish and we We rearrange and shine? RealignWe rearrange and realign Everything is[BRUCE] Balanced andEverything is Serenebalanced andEverything is Like chaos neverserenebalanced and HappensLike chaos neverserene If it's neverhappensLike chaos never Seenif it's neverhappens seenif it's never seen [ALL] We're a typical family quintet [HELEN] And yet… [BRUCE] Not too bad, if I say so myself I might still break a heart or two Sometimes if the fire burns so hot I don't know what I'll do Not too bad, if I say so myself [BRUCE & ALISON] Not too bad [BRUCE] Mrs. Baulkner! It's a pleasure to meet you Come on in![KIDS] Obviously it's still a work in progress.Do do do do do Ah, yes, yes,Do do do do do I did all the work myself,Do do do do do That's how we were able to afford the place. do do do No, no.Do do do do do Historic restoration is an avocation.Do do do do do That is very flattering!Do do do do do I teach English at Beach Creek High,Do do do do do And the Bechdel Funeral HomeDo do do do do Is our family business,Do do do do do So I'm also a funeral director.Do do do do do You have a keen eye!Do do do do do This, I found yesterday What is he after In the dump! Isn't it–uh[ALISON]What are we doing Actually, I believeIt Right foot is tapping Rococo Revival. all comesthat means he's stewing Absolutely! back!Stay very still and Would you like one maybe we'll please him With the family? Kids! Mrs. Baulkner would ItMake one wrong move, and Like to take a photo! all comesdemons will seize him (Hello! Anybody home?)back! Try hard, what else is family I'll be there in a minute!for? Oh, a young man who helps out With the yard work.He wants, he wants, he wants [ALISON] He wants more Caption: My dad and I both grew up In the same, small Pennsylvania town And he was gay, and I was gay And he k**ed himself And I… Became a lesbian cartoonist