James Moore - Business Intelligence Rap lyrics

This recessionary period ain't messin' around I got depression-era economics gettin me down The internet it ain't immune, man, everybody's gettin' screwed And yeah it's true you know, web two-dot-oh is dead in the ground VC's drying up, M&A? outta luck And the rub is you'll be strugglin' if your company s**s Stuck scratchin your head? You'll be dead in the water Here's a couple signs that you're gonna get slaughtered: Your six-month peak was a TechCrunch mention Your churn rate's deep, you got no retention You join AdSense and declare success But your cloud tag's only got one word: “test” You built a couple widgets and a wiki that scales And then you paid your people double cause they did it in rails But, how you doin' in sales? I know it's probably slow, yo ‘Cause I need some aviators just to look at your logo You got no revenue Burnin' cash is all you do You raised your Series A Twice-preferred, participating You're throwin staff retreats Better check your balance sheet Everyone's convinced You need business intelligence See you lata, public beta, do a real release The whole long tail couldn't even save this piece Got a social app? Well, it's a disgrace, look ‘Cause Facebook can't even make money on Facebook You got a podcast, but the point you're missin's Your vision's so weak, ain't no one listenin' SecondLife sales? Man, that plan is the worst I think you shoulda made a dollar in your first life first Meet-Ups every day, when you go, pros scatter You're LinkedIn to 500+ but none matter Tryin' to be distributed, you wanna unbound But you know nothin' bout computing, get your head out the cloud Your API's slow, it's a bit too RESTful Quit tryin' to grow at a clip, was too stressful Debt breakin' covenants, they're rollin' it back Yeah you got all of your investor's tryin' to call in a MAC Not grabbing market share Market isn't even there You think you're doin' fine In stealth mode since ‘99 You're tweeting constantly LOL @bankruptcy You don't know SEO You paid for links but they're nofollowed Had millions in the bank Still have no Alexa Rank Burn out or get acquired Either way you're gettin' fired Your angel round is gone Blew it on a favicon Everyone's convinced You need business intelligence You signed a 10-year lease I wouldn't give you 10 weeks You Loved “Who Moved My Cheese?” Retire, please Your dedicated server farm is bladed, thats slick Although you probably woulda made it on an 386 Because your invite-only system, dude it's hurtin', it's flawed See, all those people you invited ain't returnin' your calls And it's only 9-to-5ers who surround your scene Because Adultfriendfinder's where you found your team Tried to hire talent but you screwed it up, didn'tcha ‘Cause your wanted add said you were hirin' ninjas Yeah we know we're hypocrites for doin' this song And then promotin' it by posting on the company blog But a new day is dawnin', the strong they can sense it Darwin is comin' to the ‘net with a vengeance If you're sittin on a winner, yo, you wanna be strapped So if you want to push it harder, best be trackin' your stats And I ain't talkin' bout your traffic, man I'm way past that Wanna fatten up your stacks? Let's chat… Business Intelligence… (repeat)