Jack Gilford - Everybody Ought To Have A Maid lyrics

[SENEX, spoken] Maids like me. I'm neat I like maids. They're neat Something no household should be without (sung) Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Everybody ought to have a working girl Everybody ought to have a lurking girl To putter around the house Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Everybody ought to have a menial Consistantly congenial And quieter than a mouse Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious Tidying up the dishes Neat as a pin Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful Sweeping out Sleeping in Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Someone who you hire when you're short of help To offer you the sort of help You never get from a spouse Fluttering up the stairway Shuttering up the windows Cluttering up the bedroom bu*tering up the master Puttering all around the house! Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious Tidying up the dishes Neat as a pin Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful Sweeping out Sleeping in Everybody ought to have a maid [PSEUDOLUS] Everybody ought to have a maid [SENEX] Someone who in fetching you your slipper will Be winsome as a whipporwill And graceful as a grouse Skittering down the hallway Flittering through the parlor Tittering in the pantry Littering up the bedroom [SENEX & PSEUDOLUS] Twittering all around the house! [HYSTERIUM] A maid? [SENEX] A maid [PSEUDOLUS] A maid [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM] A maid! Everybody ought to have a maid Everybody ought to have a serving-girl A loyal and unswerving girl Whose quieter than a mouse [HYSTERIUM] Oh, oh, think of her at the dustbin 'Specially when she's just been Traipsing about [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM] Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful [HYSTERIUM] Living in [SENEX] Giving out [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM] Everybody ought to have a maid Daintily collecting bits of paper n' strings Appealing in her apron strings And graceful as a grouse [HYSTERIUM] Pattering through the attic [SENEX] Chattering in the cellar [PSEUDOLUS] Clattering in the kitchen [SENEX] Flattering in the bedroom [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM] Puttering all around the house! The house! The house! The house! The house! [LYCUS] A maid? [HYSTERIUM] A maid [SENEX] A maid [PSEUDOLUS] A maid! [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM/LYCUS] Everybody ought to have a maid Someone who's efficient and reliable Obedient and pliable And quieter than a mouse! Oh, oh, wouldn't she be so nimble Fiddling with her thimble Mending her gown Oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful [LYCUS] Cleaning up [SENEX] Leaning down [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM/LYCUS] Everybody ought to have a maid Someone who'll be busy as a bumblebee And even if you grumble, be As graceful as a grouse [LYCUS] Wriggling in the anteroom [HYSTERIUM] Jiggling in the dining room [PSEUDOLUS] Giggling in the living room [SENEX] Wiggling in the other rooms [SENEX/PSEUDOLUS/HYSTERIUM/LYCUS] Puttering all around the house! The house! The house! The house! The house!