The master playwright Urges you to play right/play wrong; Life is long and every night's the first night The wardrobe mistress Urges you to dress left/dress right; What a mess when your underpants are too tight Who's on the stage door To help you find the way in/way out? It's not a sin to be knowing that you don't know When you breathe your last line Will you make your exit stage left/stage right? Well, you might decide while there's still time You have an angel on your shoulder But you wear the old god's horns And you dance around the maypole While the vicar makes a toast To the pagan celebration And extends an invitation to us all So he can save us when we fall Who's your leading lady? Will you help to get her off the bus? It's best To pa** the test before you get too lazy Strike up the orchestra Take your cues on the up-beat/Beat down Anyone who says he doesn't like the sound