Hashu - 6 months lyrics

[verse 1] Nowadays I'm always pissed off I'm about to punch a hole through a brick wall Went a put all my problems in a ziplock Drive up and toss them off a other f**ing cliff dog Cuss truth is I've been loosing my grip I don't drink but i feel like abusing the 5th And writing my goodbyes and take a cruise to that cliff Drive it straight off Never leaving proof of that sh** A year ago I crashed my car on purpose Nobody knows about it I was feeling worthless I told myself that i shouldn't hit the brakes Last second i realized it was a mistake I slowed down Thank god that i did it But sometimes i won't lie Still wish that i didn't Cuss all the stress could've ended with the fatal collision Cause of the places id been in And i just hated the vision I thought i had lost I came so close just to giving up I wanted to die Cause i thought no one would give a f** I was always down on myself I can't recall a single day where i was proud of myself Cause every single day i thought id drown in myself I had no f**ing clue what i had found in myself to now say [hook] I'm sorry mom I'm sorry dad I'm sorry eddie I'm sorry andre I'm sorry matt And I'm sorry sammy Please do not forget me I've told myself to get up Told myself i should give myself 6 months After that if my life didn't switch up Only then would i have the right to give up I lied one more after this [verse 2] Pain k**ers take the physical pain But what happens when I'm feeling like I'm sick in the brain Cuss i should be happy My fans come in thousands But I've been more stressed since i entered the fame I have fans Thats a weird thing to say It excites me when i think about a year from today Cuss a year ago vs how i feel today Is so drastically different It can't be real Theres no way But it is Can't come to grips with it So think about life and how pissed it is Still never feel like i deserve the listens Or fans Or the people who been trying to get with it I still s** at school I still work a job that i f**ing hate I still feel like I'm writing songs That i feel like are nothing great I'm still afraid that Ill suffocate I still pray to god for a f**ing break He still never listens Ill f**ing wait I wanna move to another state So i can run away I think nothings changed But everything changed Except for my mind The stress is the same People believe in me I dont understand what they see in me I'm always afraid of them leaving me I can't see the reasons to be with me But i can't let them down Cuss i promised to somehow Make everybody proud