Hank Green - Hank Roasts Himself Diss Track lyrics

[Intro] Good morning, John There is a Roast Yourself challenge happening right now I've got some lyrics We're gonna do it It's probably a bad idea Yo, what's up? Hank Green! Here to roast myself like Ryan Higa said Giving it all that I gotta give [Verse] I haven't even started Already feeling culturally appropriative Here I am, sitting where I sit every Thursday morning Yeah, Thursday, cause I'm careful I'm normal, I'm boring I'm not gonna risk a punishment I no longer have time for that I keep adding to my list Cause I like getting hit with baseball bats, nah It's cause I like how it makes me feel like I matter Cause I'm doing things, even though it's not real I want to be remembered, but here's what's pretty clear: Someday there will be no humans left To remember anybody was here I need approval from society So I do what it expects of me As a straight, pale male I can do it quite expediently I sit in front of books so that you know that I'm smart And while my brother has natural puff I use the stuff I got at Wal-Mart The majority of my audience wants me to feel the Bern But I'm too old for revolution I just don't want to feel the Donald Trump, okay? Spending money has always given me anxiety I avoid cursing because my freedom is trumped by propriety And I'll never be like Pewds on the cover of Variety And having a notable brother doesn't convey notoriety I keep talking about a book that I'm gonna write someday But it's never gonna be TFIOS so why do I try anyway? But I love SnapChat like a tween, so let's do that instead Takin' cat snats with my Gilbahrt, doin' it straight from my bed I'm thirty-six years old but I pretend to be a punk rocker But as you probably heard I'm a nerd Who sings mostly about Harry Potter And thanks to a teleprompter I get to pretend That I know everything about the standard model and philosophy But mostly I'm just reading So I pay people to do the things and to help me create It's capitalism, a system I support but my former self would hate I pontificate like I'm an expert But I'm really not that great And yes, if she asked? I would be Hillary's running mate But she's not gonna Cause I'm a gangly white dude Roastin' myself on YouTube I may be a little old to be doing this stuff Maybe a little less sillier in the future? [Outro] Just chill it out a little bit? I...I..I feel like maybe focus on the educational stuff? Not the, like, the fun hip rapping challenges? That doesn't seem like a good idea Nah