Groucho Marx - Hooray for Captain Spaulding lyrics

(All) At last we are to meet him The famous Captain Spaulding From climates hot and scalding The Captain has arrived Most heartily we'll greet him With plain and fancy cheering Until he's hard of hearing The Captain has arrived At last - The Captain has arrived (Hives) Mr. Horatio W. Jamison, Field Secretary to Captain Spaulding (Jamison) I represent the Captain who insists on my informing you of these conditions under Which he camps here In one thing he is very strict, he wants his women young and picked and as for men He won't have any tramps here (All) As for men he won't have any tramps here There must be no tramps (Jamison) The men must all be very old The women warm, the champagne cold It's under these conditions that he camps here (Voice off Screen) I'm announcing Captain Jeffery Spaulding (All) He's announcing Captain Jeffery Spaulding Oh dear, he is coming At last he's here (Spaulding) Hello, I must be going I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going I'm glad I came, but just the same I must be going La La (Mrs. Rittenhouse) For my sake you must stay If you should go away You'd spoil this party I am throwing (Spaulding) I'll stay a week or two I'll stay the summer thru But I am telling you I must be going (All) Before you go Will you oblige us And tell us of your deeds so glowing? (Spaulding) I'll do anything you say In fact I'll even stay (All) Good (Spaulding) But I must be going (Jamison) There's something that I'd like to say That he's too modest to relay The Captain is a moral man Sometimes he finds it trying (Spaulding) This fact I emphasize with stress I never take a drink unless - Somebody's buying (All) The Captain is a very moral man (Jamison) If he hears anything obscene, He'll naturally repel it (Spaulding) I hate a dirty joke I do Unless it's told by someone who Knows how to tell it (All) The Captain is a very moral man Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African explorer (Spaulding) Did someone call me Shnorrer? (All) Hooray, Hooray, Hooray (Jamison) He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts (Spaulding) If I stay here I'll go nuts (All) Hooray, Hooray, Hooray He put all his reliance, In courage and defiance And risked his life for science (Spaulding) Hey, hey (Mrs. Rittenhouse) You are the only white man to cover every acre (Spaulding) I think I'll try and make her (All) Hooray, Hooray, Hooray He put all his reliance, In courage and defiance And risked his life for science (Spaulding) Hey, hey (All) Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African explorer He brought his name undying fame And that is why we say, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray (Spaulding attempts to speak) My friends, I am highly gratified at this magnificent display of effusion and I want you to know... (All) Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African explorer He brought his name undying fame And that is why we say, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray (Spaulding) My friends, I am highly gratified at this magnificent display of effusion and I want you to know... Hooray for Captain Spaulding, The African big hero... Well, somebody's got to do it