Gargamel - Smurfatar lyrics

Gargamel laughs evilly in his hovel and approaches the machine used in the James Cameron film Avatar with Azrael watching. Gargamel: Once I transfer my consciousness into a smurf body- The capsule opens. Gargamel: I'll infiltrate their village and destroy them all! Azrael meows. Gargamel: Will I what?! Azrael meows again. Gargamel: Will I f** them before I eat them?! Azrael meows negatively. Gargamel: Oh, cook! Will I cook them before I eat them? Gargamel and Azrael both laugh. Gargamel: I was like that. You're almost looking for a new apartment, man. Seriously. Gargamel enters the machine and closes his eyes. His consciousness is then transferred into a smurf body and the title of the sketch Smurfatar appears. Cut to Gargamel searching for the village. Gargamel: Damn! Lost already. A wolf howls and Gargamel panics. Gargamel: What is that?! A wolf?! A fox?! Some other Party of 5 actor?! Gargamel pauses for a few seconds. Then he pretends to hit a home run. Gargamel: And it's out of here! Imitates a roaring crowd. Gargamel: Yes. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Terrified. Gargamel looks through a brush and sees Smurfette bathing. He then turns to the audience. Gargamel: I don't know what you're blurring out. Smurfs don't have nipples. The censors disappear. Gargamel turns to the audience again. Gargamel: Not arousing. Cut to Gargamel in the smurf village surrounded by the smurfs. Papa Smurf: A new smurf? Most unusual. What is your name, outsider? Gargamel: Garga-Gi-Ga-Ga-Gar...Gargle Smurf. Vanity slides up next to Gargamel. Vanity Smurf: Oh, really? Well, tell me, how did you smurf that name? Gargamel: (sighs) If you're asking whether I will gargle your balls, sir, the answer is no. Vanity Smurf: Wha- moi?! That wasn't what I meant at all! All the smurfs complain and Vanity walks away. Papa Smurf: Then it's settled: Gargle Smurf must pa** our tests to become a member of our village! The smurfs cheer. Papa Smurf: And Vanity's gay. The smurfs cheer again and Vanity slides up next to Gargamel again. Cut to Gargamel and Brainy in Brainy's house discussing the definition of the word "Smurf." Brainy Smurf: "Smurf" is not only a noun, but also a verb, adjective, an ad-smurf and a dangling parti-smurfle. Now, you try. Gargamel: Uh, the smurf- Brainy Smurf: Yes. Gargamel: Smurfed- Brainy Smurf: Mm-hmm. Gargamel: In a very smurfy- Brainy is unimpressed. Gargamel: Smurf. Brainy Smurf: It's like you're not even trying. Cut to Gargamel and Smurfette on the edge of a steep cliff. Smurfette: Now, you must tame your very own smurf-eating bird. Vanity jumps out onto the cliff edge. Vanity Smurf: Did somebody say "Smurf-eating-" Smurfette and Gargamel: SHUT UP!! Vanity jumps back to the village. Gargamel confronts the bird and the bird attempts to peck him. Smurfette: You can do it, Gargle! Gargamel gets onto the bird's back. Gargamel: I smurfed it! I smurfed it! The bird takes off and divebombs into the cliff and flies to its nest. It drops Gargamel into the nest and is surrounded by three baby chicks. Gargamel: It's trying to feed me to its young! Gargamel strangles a chick, breaks the second chick's neck and punches the third chick. He then rips off the strangled chick's head. Gargamel: You won't get me! Cut to Gargamel back in the smurf village as he's accepted into the village. The smurfs cheer and Gargamel is shaking Papa's hand. Smurfette then hugs Gargamel. Smurfette: I'm so proud. Your bird accepted you as one of its very own children. Gargamel looks worried. Smurfette: Did you bond with your new brothers and sisters? Gargamel: I sure did. Cut to the smurfs dancing and celebrating and Gargamel looks upset. He then holds both of Smurfette's hands. Gargamel: Smurfette, I have a confession. Smurfette: A what? Gargamel: A smurfession. Smurfette: Oh, my! Gargamel: I'm not really Gargle Smurf. I'm...I'm Gargamel. The dancing stops and all of the smurfs growl menacingly towards Gargamel. Gargamel: Wait, wait! I've seen how wrong I was all these years! Random Smurf #1: Let's hear him out! Random Smurf #2: Hear him out?! He ate Farmer Smurf last year! Gargamel: In my other body, I was bitter and old; but, here, I've learned what it means to love. Smurfs: Aww! Gargamel: Can you find it in your hearts...to love me? Smurfette and Vanity hug Gargamel and the other smurfs clap except for one. Random Smurf #2: People! He beat Clumsy to d**h with a pipe! Smurfette: Ohh! You're going to be a great smurf. Gargamel: Smurfette, I finally feel like I belong! No one's ever depended on me before! Cut back to the hovel with Azrael dead with flies buzzing around his corpse with an empty food dish next to him.