Garfunkel & Oates - 29/31 lyrics

For the first time in my life, I see it clearly I realize the power of being a woman Twenty nine years old and time's on my side I'm in my prime, I've hit my stride I got so much charisma, and so many options It's nice to always have my pick There's nobody left, I'm all alone I'm at the top of my game, possibilities are endless And I just feel really pretty I'm holding out for someone who meets my standards Won't settle for anything less than perfect I know what I want and I can have it I'm surrounded by love and peace There's nobody left, I'm all alone Why did I wait, what's wrong with me? In two short years, I'm gonna be 33 Who the hell will want me then? My ovaries are shrinking I'm disgusting and everyone feels bad for me And I never get invited to dinner parties anymore Things unfold when they're supposed to 'Cause everything happens for a reason It'll happen for me when I'm not even looking He'll just appear and I'll just know And he'll love me forever without any work Who needs to try when things are meant to be There's nobody left (I'm a catch just look at me) I'm all alone (I'm smart and hot and have lots of interests) You're such an idiot (The man of my dreams is definitely out there) You think you're so special because people tell you that now (He's my future, he's the one) But that will stop and be replaced with looks of pity (He was put on this Earth to make my life complete) (The world is a buffet of love) Oh, what, you think biological reality doesn't apply to you And your adorable cocoon of agelessness? Well, it does! While you're just waiting around and focusing on you Guess what? You're gonna miss your window! Everything happens for a reason, you know I truly believe that Yeah, you said that before Oh my God, it does, though, everything happens for a reason What about the Haitian earthquake or cellulite on skinny women? Just say, "Hey universe, I'm ready", it'll happen when you least expect it Well, I don't expect it at all now, so I guess it's right around the corner Maybe you're putting out the wrong vibe, maybe you're closed off to love Let me tell you a secret, it's called "the secret" Here's another secret, you're an a**hole Your negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy The reason things go well for me is 'cause of positivity Well, I'm positive fertility always begins to atrophy When infantile fantasy eclipses true reality It never once occurred to me that things won't work out perfectly When God closes a door. you see, he opens a window You realize that's a smaller opening, right? You used to be able to walk out a door And now you have to climb out some slightly ajar window somewhere Possibly falling like 8 stories to your d**h That is not an upgrade And you know what's else? There's nobody left (7 billion people on the planet) I'm all alone (My options will never ever run out) I hate you (I'm so happy, aren't you happy) You're so stupid (I'm so happy) You can't love someone else 'till you love yourself You can't love someone else 'till you love yourself You can't love someone else 'till you love yourself You can't love someone else 'till you love yourself 'Cause life is good (Over)