Garfunkel And Oates - The College Try lyrics

There comes a time in everyone's life When they choose stasis or they choose to grow To be open new views and experiences And challenge what they think they know We don't live a in a black and white world And s**uality exists in the gray You can't define those roles so rigidly By saying someone's totally straight or totally gay 'Cause people are just people And love today is omnis**ual God, I love this new side of me As a modern heteroflexible So with the help of a lot of booze I find a girl and we make out And it feels the same as kissing a guy So I don't see what the fuss is about We keep hooking up and it feels so good And with my new broad outlook firmly in place I've come so far, it feels so right There's a vagina in my face and I'm all Holy sh** I didn't expect that, didn't know I'd react that way I was repelled like negatively charged ions in a magnetic field Or like I got pricked by a thorn I'm Cinderella and it's midnight and my coach turned into a woman I haven't been that close to a vagina since I was born I thought I understood what was up down there But it's just so human when you see it up close It's a messy visible secreting organ Real woman genitals are kinda gross I thought it'd be smooth and non-threatening Or nonexistent like Barbie's Instead it looks like a half eaten Beef and Cheddar In the garbage can at Arby's It's wrinkly and flappy and uneven and messy And kind of pink but also kind of brown With a super aggressive tongue-like hole And a hoody triangle protruding skin mound It's like a weather beaten deflated football Or a decomposing, bloody pear Or a toothless mouth with gum rot and yeast That's salivating and covered in hair I knew it smelled weird but this is extreme Like old French dressing at a salad bar Or expired banana Activia Or a dead, rotting turtle you left in your car It reminds me of the smell of my grandma's house Or a guinea pig with bacterial disease Wafting from a jar of formaldahyde Or fresh Spaghetti-O's and warm blue cheese Oh God I can't believe I said that That was insensitive and immature I swear I'm not h*mophobic or anti-woman Just caught of guard for sure The female anatomy's divine and perfect And should be eternally celebrated And revered for it's role as beautiful vessel Wherein all life is created And when I think about it I'm all Sorry for the confusion ma'am I guess I'm not that evolved And my illusions of bis**uality Just instantly dissolved I mourn the cool new life I'd envisioned Where love renders gender preference obsolete 'Cause when I looked a vagina in the eye I made a hasty, ungraceful retreat So my sad but definite conclusion is That my mouth is for food and penises only But I'm happy so many people like it down there Otherwise I'd be really lonely And I can't believe I have one of those Ew