Franklin P. Adams - Maud Muller Mutatur lyrics

In 1909 toilet goods were not considered a serious matter and no special department of the catalogs were devoted to it. A few perfumes and creams were scattered here and there among bargain goods. In 1919 an a**ortment of perfumes that would rival any city department store is shown, along with six pages of other toilet articles, including rouge and eyebrow pencils. --From "How the Farmer Has Changed in a Decade: Toilet Goods," in Farm and Fireside's advertisement. Maud Muller, on a summer's day, Powdered her nose with Bon Sachet. Beneath her lingerie hat appeared Eyebrows and cheeks that were well veneered. Singing she rocked on the front piazz, To the tune of "The Land of the Sky Blue Jazz." But the song expired on the summer air, And she said, "This won't get me anywhere." The Judge in his car looked up at her And signalled "Stop!" to his brave chauffeur. He smiled a smile that is known as broad, And he said to Miss Muller, "Hello, how's Maud?" "What sultry weather is this? Gee whiz!" Said Maud. Said the Judge, "I'll say it is." "Your coat is heavy. Why don't you shed it? Have a drink?" said Maud. Said the Judge, "You said it." And Maud, with the joy of bucolic youth, Blended some gin and some French vermouth. Maud Muller sighed, as she poured the gin, "I've got something on Whittier's h**ne." "Thanks," said the judge, "a peppier brew From a fairer hand was never knew." And when the judge had had number 7, Maud seemed an angel direct from Heaven. And the judge declared, "You're a lvoely girl, An' I'm for you Maudie, I'll tell the worl'." And the judge said, "Marry me, Maudie dearie?" And Maud said yes to the well known query. And she often thinks, in her rustic way, As she powders her nose with Bon Sachet, "I never'n the world would a' got that guy, If I'd waited till after the First o' July. And of all glad words of prose or rhyme, The gladdest are, "Act while there yet is time."