FOUR MEN--MARVIN, MENDEL, JASON, and WHIZZER--enter in darkness. Each Carries a flashlight and wears sungla**es. WHIZZER carries a toy bed.) FOUR MEN: Four Jews in a room b**hing Four Jews in a room plot a crime I'm b**hing. He's b**hing They're b**hing. We're b**hing b**h b**h b**h b**h Funny funny funny funny (They point their flashlights at the bed and slowly kneel.) b**h--b**h-- b**h b**h b**h b**h All--the-- Time... (TRINA enters.) MENDEL: Whadda they do for love? OTHER MEN: Ooooh (MENDEL shines his flashlight at TRINA's chest.) MENDEL: Whadda they do for love? OTHER MEN: Ooooh ALL: Four j**s in a room MENDEL: b**hing JASON: b**hing MARVIN: b**hing WHIZZER: b**hing FOUR MEN: Four Jews in a room stoop-- MENDEL: They stoop-- FOUR MEN: --to pray JASON (through door): I'm Jewish MARVIN (through door): I'm Jewish MENDEL: I'm Jewish WHIZZER (through door): Half Jewish FOUR MEN: b**h b**h b**h b**h Funny funny funny funny b**h--b**h b**h b**h b**h b**h Night and day (The MEN run offstage. TRINA drags in a huge wooden representation of the Red Sea.) TRINA: Slavery. Slavery FOUR MEN (returning in biblical robes): We crossed the desert Running for our lives Fleeing from the Pharoah Who was up to no good Now we're at the Red Sea Pharoah is behind us Wanting us extincted JASON: What we need's a miracle! ALL: And then the Red Sea Split before us-- (The Red Sea splits and flies offstage.) No more tsouris MENDEL: We got our miracle! JASON (echoing): We got our miracle! MARVIN (another echo): We got our miracle! ALL: Four Jews itching for answers Four Jews b**hing their whole life long WHIZZER: I'm Whizzer JASON: I'm Jason MENDEL: I'm Mendel MARVIN: I'm Marvin FOUR MEN: b**h b**h b**h b**h Funny funny funny funny b**h--b**h-- b**h b**h b**h b**h Right or wrong JASON: In case of smoke please call our mothers on the phone And say their sons are all on fire MARVIN AND WHIZZER: We are manipulating people and we need to know Our worst sides aren't ignored MENDEL (opens door and enters, arm gallantly in air): The guilt invested will, in time, pay wisely WHIZZER AND JASON: We do not tippy-toe WHIZZER: We charge ahead to show-- MENDEL: We're good in bed (WHIZZER puts his hand on MENDEL's shoulder.) WHIZZER: Excel in bed (MARVIN puts his hand on WHIZZER's shoulder.) MARVIN: We smell in bed (WHIZZER puts his hand on MARVIN's. JASON picks up the bed and hides it behind his back.) JASON: Where is the bed? MENDEL: I love the bed JASON: Who has the bed? WHIZZER: I want the bed (MENDEL takes the bed from JASON.) JASON: Who stole the bed? MARVIN: Who stole the bed? WHIZZER: I lost it twice (MENDEL puts the bed on the floor. ALL go to floor, toward bed.) MENDEL: The bed is mine WHIZZER: The bed is nice FOUR MEN: The bed is-- Four Jews in a room b**hing (wheee!) Four Jews talking like Jew-ish men I'm neurotic, he's neurotic They're neurotic, we're neurotic b**h b**h b**h b**h Funny funny funny funny MARVIN: I'm nauseous WHIZZER: I'm nauseous JASON: I'm simple MENDEL: I'm Jewish TRINA (vacuuming): Slavery. Slavery FOUR MEN (at TRINA): b**h b**h b**h b**h Funny funny funny funny (All at once:)