Epic Rap Battles of History - Dr. Seuss Vs. William Shakespeare lyrics

William Shakespeare Come bite my thumb, I hope you know the stakes I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades Then ask what light yonder poser breaks I hath been iambic on that a**, ye ba*tard, my rhymes are cla**ic Your crap is drafted by a kindergartener high on acid, ye hoebag You're an old white Soulja Boy with no swag and no gonads Egads, it's so sad and to top it off, you're not a doctor I've never seen a softer author, you crook, you I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too Cat in the Hat I would not, could not on a boat Read any of the boring a** plays you wrote Even Horton doesn't want to hear you And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you You bore people to d**h You leave a cla**room looking like the end of MacBeth I entertain a child of any age You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat? Little kids get scared when I step on the mat You think your ruffled neck a** gonna rap to that? I got a best selling book about me coming back Shakespeare I'm switching up my style like The Beatles with my pieces Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features You're pathetically predictable, you think your new book Might include a trisyllabic meter and some ghetto Muppet creatures? The Bard is in the building, it's a castle, I'm a boss I bet I'm Parliament, I'm positive, I'm k**ing it I'm iller than the plague, I never caught or cholera A baller baller on some cricket bowler business While you're sitting in the bleachers Cat in the hat You rap fast, you do, yes, you rap fast it's true But let's see how you rap versus things one and two Things One and Two Oh, oh, no, no, we'll smash you globe Yo, you may have wrote the script but now we running the show You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama Break our foot off in your a** with our feetie pajamas Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs We'll break offa your legs, make no mistake, we in a rage All does not end well when we bust out our cage Your getting upstaged, Bill, yo, you just got played