Epic Rap Battles of History - Adam vs Eve lyrics

[Verse 1: Eve] This battle's gonna end like every argument does With you kissing my a** and begging me for a rub I made a map motherf**er and im reading it too Gives me specific directions how to f** with you I know that you like to think you're so macho But you smell like ba**sacks and nachos I work. While you and your boyfriend Steve Drink and play sports in a Fantasy League You're as sharp as a stick, that I rub on my lips So go ahead take a shot, I'm sure that you'll miss Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list If you'd stop f**ing up I wouldn't have to get pissed [Verse 2: Adam] My life was fine 'till you had to come along and wreck it Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds? You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want "I'm hungry", "I'm fat", "I'm cold", "I'm hot" You call it complex, but yo I'd call you a mess You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed! You got a lotion for this? Got a cream for that? Got any perfume that smells like get the f** off my back? When things are good they're great, and it's like I'm dreamin' Until your junk starts bleedin' and you turn to a demon It ain't summer Eve, don't try to play me like a douche You wanna bite on my fruit well you can swallow the truth! [Verse 3: Eve] Don't. even. bring up swallow The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow One pump chump and you're hung like a weasel Ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle You want alone time? Have it! In fact s** your own dick, and shave your own back That apple's the best thing I bit so far Now I see how much of a dick you are [Verse 4: Adam] I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips? I was just thinking, yo did I give up a rib for this? Woman, I just don't know what your problem is All I know is you're acting like a colossal b**h! [Both: shocked silence] Adam: I'm sorry Eve: ...I'm sorry, too Adam: Alright, nice! Eve: Don't even think about it! Adam: Okay, that's fine, we can eat