Emynd - This Is My Life lyrics

[Verse One] In the December of '81, way before rhyme was relevant A child was born during a winter storm to Evelyn My pops was Eddie, I don't really think he was ready The n***a left me damn near as I came out the belly From what they tell me from day one, I have always been heavy Now weight wise, they say I have been here already I'm starting to believe 'em Sparking my weed and I'm coughing and wheezing I talk with demons Ghost and gremlins, swear to God I see 'em In the back of my mind, I travel back and through time When I was nine and I would practice this rhyme But my step pops said "Stop, or get your head popped." If I did not I swear ock, he put me in headlocks My feet dangling, just kicking his thighs He's 6'2", I'm 3'5, eye to eye we knee high See I, got pain bottled up so deep And so much stress it's like my first CD on repeat Number nine when I rhyme and these herbs see me Up on stage with all this rage, they like, "Hey look at Reef." Then I'm okay but when I lay at the end of the day I'm dealing with grown man issues and I'm still underage Under paid and overworked, I feel like I'm worthless I kept these facts under wraps and now I pull back the curtains To my situation, reverses these verses shall serve the purpose Of cleansing my soul until it's dirtless! Yo [Hook] You don't know what it's like to be me This is my life And y'all swear I got it so easy This is my life But you don't know the half believe me The pain in my heart exceeds me, ask my n***a Sleep E This is my life So much stress, ain't nothing changed dawg This is my life So I get high until my brain's gone This is my life Until the pains gone, the same song then plays on in my head Making my days long This is my life [Verse Two] I stare at these questions My rhymes are my homework Comparing these lessons Preparing for my weekly therapy sessions Aggression and anger Combined with a weak mind, that's danger The eyes of a painter trying to paint the eyes of a stranger That's why it's hard for me to open my heart When those that I let in just stepped in and broke in my heart Not just women but those that claim to be my n***as Pseudo fake father figure dudes, I figured you Would try to reach me Eventually you'll try and leave me But why did you leave me? The only question to you I pose I'm okay but I'm still alive, trying to survive In this holocaust maze, spend my days in a daze Wanting to fly away It's hard to stay focused When these jokers in your face just to get paid But yet my pockets is still flat My knowledge is still intact but as years go by dawg I feel that I'll never make it Record exec's like "You're not good enough kid, face it." The next stop, hip hop sanctum My mother's basement Remembering the good ole' days, I can't take it The possibility I never sign a deal It didn't matter now that I'm getting older It's getting colder I need a shield A career, year two I have to be known as the greatest rapper Since the other two or ma**acred At least they were famous I'm popular to you but everywhere else I'm nameless I guess that's how the game is The older I get, the younger I wish I still was No longer deal d** But still get high to feel love I'm real buzzed for a minute then it Begins to escape me These demons I push behind are forcing themselves to face me Maybe I'm crazy No I think I'm too sane for my own good I know I zone hoods to find what makes me Spit like this And tick like that And I flip like that And if I fall I get right back On the right track until I'm dead gone But the only tracks are follow are the ones in my headphones Yo [Hook] [Verse Three] This 9 to 5 grind got my mind losing it's juices Come inside and you'll find That even though I'm popular and I know how to rhyme Everything ain't what it seems, I just know how to lie To my peers for years but I can no longer hide To that man in the mirror and when I look in his eyes I see a child who has no idea of what he's doing Sometimes I wonder if this music will only lead to my ruin What I'm pursing is to get rich Doing rap songs Old heads saying, "You ain't that strong You need something to fall back on." Here's the dilemma Losing life or become a winner End up a working cla** stiff or flip back to sinner Either way I feel the saga will never conclude You need to know my views before you step in my shoes My life's become a full scale trauma of ma** confusion I have yet to scratch the surface, already I'm disillusioned So either you part of the problem or offer a solution Cause I people I used to love are now considered nuisances It's been proven You dudes got no love for me You place me on a pedestal and pull the rug from under me It's kind of sick these cowards will build my confidence Only to hide their dominant prescience of their incompetence It's not that I'm being selfish, I'm not trying to share the wealth But please don't act like you ain't in my life for yourself I'm a rhyme stand out n***as hands out They wanna kick it Ride my back like [?] Amtrak and I'm they ticket Check your bags at the door along with your ego Cause it wasn't till The High Life that I talk to you people Now I walk with you people All of a sudden n***as acting like cousins and brothers Motherf**er you play a part of nothing Waiting for the moment for my career to start jumping So you can be right there when the cheese begins to cutting Here's a percentage Get the f** away from me I'm finished The jig is up Give it up, just stop pretending What a tangled web we weave Got me trapped in the nonsense But I will no longer ignore my conscious