Eminem - Criminal lyrics

Spoken: A lot of people ask me, stupid f**in' questions. A lot of people think that, what I say on record, or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life, or that I believe in it. Or if I say that, I wanna k** somebody that, I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it. Well sh**, if you believe that, then I'll k** you, you know why? 'Cause I'm a criminal Criminal, you goddamn right I'm a criminal Yeah I'm a criminal My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge That'll stab you in the head, whether you're a f*g or les Or a h*mos**-, hermaph- or a trans-a-ves Pants or dress, "Hate f*gs?", the answer's yes h*mophobic, nah you're just hetero-phobic Starin' at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (Ooh!) That's my motherf**in' balls, you better let go of 'em They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em Hey it's me Versace, whoops somebody shot me And I was just checkin' the mail, get it, checkin' the 'male' (clicks tongue twice) How many records you expectin' to sell After your second LP sends you directly to jail Come on relax guy, I like gay men Right Ken, give me an amen ( AAA-men!) Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus Heal this child, help us destroy these demons Oh, and please send me a brand new car And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher You can't reach me, my mom can't neither You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'Cause, I watch TV and Comcast cable And you ain't able to stop these thoughts You can't stop me from toppin' these charts And you can't stop me from droppin' each March With a brand new CD for these f**in' retards (Duh) And to think, it's just little ole me Mr. Don't-Give-A-f**, still won't leave I'm a criminal 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one I'm a criminal 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one My mother did d**, hard liquor cigarettes and speed The baby came out, disfigured ligaments indeed It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she Don't dare make fun of that baby 'cause that baby was me I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed But how the f** you s'posed to grow up when you weren't raised So as I got older and I got a lot taller My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger I drink malt liquor to f** you up quicker Than you'd wanna f** me up for sayin' the word My morals went *thhbbpp* when the president got oral Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk Off of his own employee, now don't ignore me you won't avoid me You can't miss me, I'm white blonde-haired and my nose is pointy I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die in plane crashes And laughs as long as it ain't happen to him Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em- -inem and Kim combined, *kch* the maniac's in In place of the doc, because Dre couldn't make it today He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place (Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face Don't make me k** him too and spray his brains all over the place I told you Dre, you should've kept that thing put away I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh I'm a criminal Spoken by Eminem, Dr. Dre, & (Teller) Aight look... Uh huh? Just go up in that motherf**er, get the motherf**in' money and get the f** up outta there. Aight. I'll be right here waitin' on you. Aight. Yo, Em! What?! Don't k** nobody this time! Aright! God damn, this motherf**er gets on my f**in' nerves. *Whistling* (Hi!) How you doin'? (How can I help you?) Yeah I need to make a withdrawal. (Okay.) Put the f**in' money in the bag b**h and I won't k** you! (What? Oh my god, don't k** me!) I'm not gonna k** you b**h, quit lookin' around. (Don't k** me, I have two kids at home, don't k** me.) I said I'm not gonna f**in' k** you, hurry the f** up! *BOOM* Thank you! Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it So I'll be disguised in it And if anybody identifies the guy in it, I'll hide for five minutes Come back, shoot the eyewitness Then fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business Die b**hes, ba*tards brats pests This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his a** yet If I ever gave a f**, I'd shave my nuts Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck *Clucking* You motherf**in' chickens ain't brave enough To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut sh**, half the sh** I say, I just make it up To make you mad, so kiss my white naked a** And if it's not a rapper that I make it as I'ma be a f**in' rapist in a Jason mask I'm a criminal 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one I'm a criminal 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one I'm a criminal 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one I'm a criminal 'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one I am a criminal