Elvis Costello - This Offer Is Unrepeatable lyrics

Don't send any money! Fate has no price Ignore at your peril this splendid advice An invaluable link in an infinite chain An offer like this will just not come again You wish you had women to charm and bewitch Power of life and d**h over the rich young girls will be swooning Because you're exciting them And not only fall at your feet but be biting them Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath Or just possibly scare you to d**h Sign it and seal it and send it to friends But don't mention my name Don't make any long term plans In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change Your best friends won't know you And neither will strangers Do not keep this letter It must leave your hand You have been selected from over five thousand A twister or dupe will bamboozle or hoodwink you I can't say more it would only confuse you The wine that they offer will go to your head And you'll start to see double in fishes and bread Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more Guaranteed, for this world and the next Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother Cherish this life as you don't get another one Unless you should take up this fabulous offer Don't leave it too late or you'll be bound to suffer And woebetide anyone so woebegone You won't know you're born or about to pa** on You'll never get tired You'll never get bored By the way i just hope you're insured And if you're not satisfied If you want more We can always provide an improved overture Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable This offer is unrepeatable Your trouble will vanish Your tears will dry Your blessing will just multiply Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable This offer is unrepeatable Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favor In a riot of colours, (a variety of) and flavours Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable This offer is unrepeatable Would i lie to you? would i sell you a dud? Just sign on the line. could you possibly write it in blood?