Eli Arbor - My Paradise lyrics

[Verse 1] I don't really know who I wanna be I really don't know who I wanna be with All I know is that I'm tryna find me But who's the best we for me to be me with? There was Sarah, we was from the same city She get all my jokes cause she was always there with me We listen to music, me and her we just vibe But I'm scared to show her how these years have changed me inside It's just hard to see past the time gap that tore us apart But I even now she inspire my art And I know that she's motherf**in perfect I just don't know if I'm certain And it's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not that I don't wanna be with her I just gotta make sure I'm me with her Now Colleen, we went to the same school Soc major, she thinks that I'm cool Don't know my music but she's digging my beard I appreciate how our conversations are weird She a little bit sarcastic, a little bit bombastic Loves books for fun, thinks that reading is magic She likes me for me, we studied at the same place Humanities major, so discussions relate But she don't get where I'm from, I don't get it either Background is different, but experience'll teach us Know that she's definitely worth it I just don't know if I'm certain And it's not like I don't wanna be wit her It's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not that I don't wanna be with her I just gotta make sure I'm me with her [Hook] Let's take this slow We can hold off, just don't let go They say you'll know Feel into your soul and lose control But I don't know We're close, but you ain't feel like home yet Let's take time to make sure (x2) [Post-hook] Black, brown, Asian, Rican Caramel, chocolate, bu*ter, pecan Philipino, Polynesian She Jamaican or Antiguan (x2) [Verse 2] Now Jessie's white, people say it ain't right But sometimes I wonder cause she cares about my life She f**s up sometimes but she always makes it right And she's answers my call, any day any night Self conscious when people see us together Cause I know they judge my life and a**uming that I'm wit her But she's always been there try not to care what they say Growing up I'd be around these white folks everyday And she cares, but some things she'll never get Like when we get pulled over keep it cool or I'm dead And I'm not saying that she's not important I just gotta make sure that I'm certain And It's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not that I don't wanna be with her I just gotta make sure I'm me with her It's weird to think I am is who I'm with But it's something recently that's been scaring me to d**h Cause I still can't put my pulse on who I really am Am I a Reynolds Street n***a or a Stanford grad Now I'm trapped in a space between worlds The anchor I have is who I choose as my girl (where she at though?) Cause one week I'm me, one week him different What if he ain't for her and decides he dipping I don't wanna hurt others In pursuit of myself My reliance on relationships is bad for my health I'm not saying she isn't certain I just gotta find me as a person And it's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not like I don't wanna be with her It's not that I don't wanna be with her I just gotta make sure that I'm me wit her (It was always Sarah) [Hook]