Elemental Zazen - Disappear lyrics

Just wait, just wait until I disappear It's much more than a kick and a snare It's a vision of where life could be If we would only take it there See your parents looking at you with a vacant stare Forget about the pain Lose yourself in the space and air Spark a square, take a sip and forget your cares Life is never fair so so accept it and never compare Pick the god of your choice and say a prayer So you can feel like no matter what happens You are prepared f** it if I die tonight I hope my last rhyme was tight Hope my last dime was right enough And worth the fight Hope that my fifteen minutes of fame Was worth the price Hope that I left more than some money And some crummy advice Seasons change before I get used to the way it is I can't remember myself memories fade so quick The foundation is fixed brick by brick Until my personality is based upon a nervous tick I'm certain it's not always gonna feel so empty here Maybe I want to know the reason Why they sent me here And who is they anyway and if I disappear Will anyone notice Or will their focus stay crystal clear Stop crying start dying if you get the chance Mortgage your future for some money And some fickle fans The things you can't have Worth more than the sh** you can I thought I'd tasted every gram until this sh** began Flip a grand into an album full of sickened plans To take my life before they figure out it's all a sham Or before I figure out i'm nothing like I think I am All that I understand shoveled under crumbled sand I'm just a troubled man Searching for some loving hands Trying to find someone To funnel all my humble demands Well, actually I'm too obsessed to ever let them feel the strands Of panic deep within my skin I can feel expand I start to shake and think they start to hate Maybe I'm stuck And it's just my adolescent egocentric fate To think they care when noone cares And that's too much to take Really there's nothing at stake And everyone is fake I'm certain it's not always gonna feel so empty here Maybe I want to know the reason Why they sent me here And who is they anyway and if I disappear Will anyone notice Or will their focus stay crystal clear It's a thin line between the genius and the lunatic Student the of science and the slave to the crucifix Building the puzzle with broken pieces That used to fit Twelve steps of pretending I don't abuse the sh** Losing it in the confusing messages I spit The best I'll get is a confession an arrest and quit Weight of envisioning what isn't and what truly is I won't believe it till you prove to me that you exist Who knew me back When I was more than just the penmanship Scribbled on limbs in the ink injected messages Those needle marks on my arms They're just the pen prick Balancing the socialist ideals and the venomous Anxiety found in the stimulant and sedative Torn between the extreme and the repetitive One half apathetic, the other sensitive Positive and negative I wish that it would let me live The pledge: I walk on stage at a sold out show Thinking that this would finally be my big break The turn: I rock the mic harder than I ever have, while the crowd stares back blankly After I finish my set I take of my mask a vanish in a puff of smoke The prestige: I'll never be seen again When I disappear