El-P - Hands On Experience lyrics

[Mr. Eon] Girls, girls, girls, girls My right hand I adore Spankin on my sheets till I can't cum no more I'm on a five-a-day plan, then I'm switchin hands Not really carin where my sticky white lands I'm half-asleep, you calm me Captain Kleenex Cuz I be cummin on quilts until my dick wilts Then I'm in the shower, Jergens and Vaseline-a Right named Palmer, left hand Wristina Like the Artifacts, I Come On wit the cum on Might jerkin work, lookin up too many skirts I nut on puffs after I huff the dutch The ten pack pocket tissue comes in the clutch So put on the Kristy-Kenya video That's four nuts a day, and one more to go [El-P] Check check check check Dear Sir I have been an avid reader of your magazine for many years now But up until today I haven't had an experience as really worthy of this column The solo jux avidly have to repeat I felt weak, felt like we were havin s** for a week I wanna spark the bottle, wack it but I don't have a sheet So inevitably I pull out of the pocket Just for an example that I'm huggin up a plug wit no socket Now how soundly she slept while I fume Vexed about the fact I couldn't nut off Pent up, balls blue, painful I know that when woke she's disdainful Time to come up wit Plan D for Desparation Pulled out the love monkey and shot off to the titties' location At least in that direction Upon further inspection, she awoke splashed in the head section Shook by the goblety goods "Think-I-think I gotta" [Q-Tip] *cut and scratched* "Just beat it" "Jerkin your jimmy but you still can't come off" [Phife] "I thought I had it in the palm of my hand" "Just give me the p**y and I'll be straight If you don't, f** it I'll masturbate" [Eazy E] [Mr. Eon] *rapping in kiddy voice* All day I like to stroke it, then I poke it And be like ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, are you alive little man Got Hands On Experience cuz I jerk alot Exotic hand creams that's what I got And a p**no collection about the size of Jada Sulton When I purchase movies, it's usually out in Fulton Then I take it home and spank it, and wipe it with a napkin Yo I love to jerk like ? love to hack And maybe it's a must like a kitty cat's purr I've been known to f** my girl than jerk off next to her Keep it real, yo yo Bob stop stop jerkin and come do your lyrics [Bobbito] I go solo wit my hand so you can call me Han Solo Slap my skins, so they call me Bobby Bongos Auto-matic, just for my peepee Hit a vital nerve, lick her tits, curve Jergens Dry, no lotion for my hand motion Don't cry, dry your eye Here's a towel, my hands move like constipated bowels I shoot extra far if a girl talks foul Choke my chicken, slap my wa*ker A girl lets me watch her with her tits out while I'm spankin Then I'll thank her, ah check it out I'm harder than the hardest artist hard can get KBL in the place, workin a sweat Doin beats strokin off until the Twinkie gush Until they amputate my hands I won't sweat the puss Unless she wants to, then I'll worry about gettin, the monster So I'd rather avoid the unwanted pregnancy The headaches of an emotional attachment I live my own fantasy world where anything goes Besides the longer I go without s** The closer bobbin my boloney comes to feelin like the real thing Think twice about walkin barefoot on my bedroom floor Yo Mi, hit me up wit a magazine I'm goin to bed man, I'm out