Dratchface - Mr. Vandelay lyrics

(Intro) [Sampled audio] "The alarmed Phil Thomas Katt here. This guy? Tommy Robinetti." "Have we raised our Defcon level or something?" "People have been wanting and waiting for this one." "People've been calling me at home. Then they realize there's no phone there." "Hahaha, so the message doesn't get through, but the ones, the one when you call here, it does get through and so we're making, well, we're doing this for the people." "This is a great song, it's very very intense." "Watch how it's done...Oh hello, Mr. Vandelay?" (Hook) [Sampled audio] "I was with a woman last night, and she would not stop s**in' my dick" (x4) [Verse 1: Dratchface] Dratch and Sloth, faces pale, back to blaze the rail And slay more dimebags than Nathan Gale Pinkman chuckin' big bucks out the window and leaving a paper trail b**h, don't you know I'm too rich for hater mail? Yo, I plan to do some enigmatic rapping in the afternoons, dun Peace to Andy Samberg, one Mr. Joanna Newsom I've accrued a modicum of attention since I thought of some Bright idea to become a modern Proof outside the club I'm just searching for Jerry Garcia, he's gotta be somewhere It's unfair, bumpin' Live/Dead, pa** the blunt here No other MC can ever compare Y'all makin' a fuss like a mother over her son's hair Me and Harold are some stark ravin madmen Fixin' to gun ya down like Mark David Chapman And go back then to reading Catcher in the Rye When you see Jesus, you'll know it's the Dratchster in disguise The master of verbal devices known as Cracka Christ Other MC's try to be bad, but they lack the vice Yeah, Dratch and Sloth got caught red-handed jackin' off Hash ash caused em to hack and cough They're stackin' odds against em, so it's no longer in their favor Ain't the slightest bit of logic to their inhuman behavior Why's this new sh** so weak? I can't believe it's not bu*ter The beat stops and sputters with every command Dratch and Sloth utters Barely conjured the thought and shudders I vomit beautifully and I crush a chandelier I'm the man to fear, I had my own Art Vandelay alias for years I wear the guise of Dratch, the Jew who can rap well A whack veil melting back into absence I attack the frail and much too far away for retaliation And then I claim I possess the virtue of patience when I try to relate this This mayonnaise keeps brilliantly I'm takin' it back like a stop at Willoughby This k**a be willing to distill ill beats an spill beans With a lack of humility unbecoming of a lyricist so chilly And I'm worried I'll say the wrong thing And prompt somebody to shoot and k** me (Hook) "Oh hello, Mr. Vandelay?"