Donald Glover - "Clapping For The Wrong Reasons" Screenplay lyrics

FADE IN INT. DONALD'S ROOM. - MORNING DONALD is woken by a knock on his window from an unknown GIRL GIRL Phone DONALD looks over through the window, sits up, puts on his shirt, and walks out to the phone DONALD (into phone) Hello? WOMAN (V.O) Hello, who's this? DONALD (a beat) You called me WOMAN (V.O) This is the Callifax Collection Company. Who am I speaking with? DONALD I know who you're looking for; he's not here WOMAN(V.O) Do you know where he can be reached? DONALD What month is it? WOMAN (V.O.) Uh, it is June I believe DONALD Then he's probably in the Northern Hemisphere somewhere CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN - DAY DONALD fixes himself some cereal and grabs a bottle of San Pelligrino out of the fridge When leaving, we see that MISLA, STEFAN, and EMILY are sitting eating cereal, too EMILY Fam was just yelling, "Yo, this is Connect Four, not chess" STEFAN throws up on the floor, and the two girls stop talking and look at him CUT TO: EXT. POOL AREA - MORNING DONALD crosses to FAM, sitting on the edge of the outdoor couch, using his computer DONALD Your girl woke me up FAM Who? DONALD Your girl FAM I don't have a girl here. It might be Swa*k's DONALD Anybody coming in today? FAM I don't know. Eighty Five might roll through An airplane flies overhead DONALD I love airplanes FAM My daddy, he had me on an airplane DONALD He had you on an airplane? FAM It's like that weird Bill Cosby episode where- DONALD --With the Muppets? FAM He gave birth to sandwiches DONALD --Sandwiches and an orange soda, yeah FAM Yeah but that was me on an airplane. It was weird DONALD That's like...what's the one with Arnold Schwarzenegger? FAM Oh yeah, with Danny Devito? DONALD Nah, that's "Twins" FAM Cla**ics, regardless DONALD The one with the guy where he's pregnant FAM "Baby Mama"? DONALD Nah, man. It's called uh...f**! FAM "Kindergarten Cop" with Gary Coleman? DONALD "Junior." FAM "Junior." That's really good CUT TO: INT. HOUSE - MORNING DONALD walks up to a Buddha statue and lights incense, and then inhales from his Pax vaporizer CUT TO: INT. PRODUCTION ROOM. - LATE MORNING DONALD and LUDWIG are sitting and making beats. Donald is playing with his Pax and humming LUDWIG You think we're gonna use that uh, that other song you did? DONALD Which one? LUDWIG The one with the slow 80's sound DONALD (mimicking the sound) I don't know. Play it LUDWIG I don't have it DONALD plays said beat. They both begin nodding their heads to it DONALD I like that. We could something that's like (Hums another beat sound) Cause no one raps over that Behind them, a knock on the window from outside is heard. It is the same unknown GIRL from before GIRL Your brother wants you DONALD turns to LUDWIG questioningly DONALD Do you know her? LUDWIG shakes his head, and DONALD gets up CUT TO: STAIRCASE DONALD dribbles a basketball up the stairs into STEVE's room, and throws the ball downstairs once he reaches the top STEVE, Swa*k, and MISLA are talking and playing video games DONALD Your room is disgusting Swa*k It's not...that crazy STEVE That's debatable But yo, Misla swears she's seen more vaginas than me. In real life MISLA Listen, I am a woman. I am in locker rooms, in like gyms, whatever. I see naked women all the time. Forever, too. Not just since puberty Swa*k Before puberty have been searching for naked women and I'm here now and that's all I do STEVE You gotta point. 'Boutta say man, how many vaginas have you accidentally seen? Swa*k Wait, me? STEVE Both Swa*k It's never been an accident MISLA It's not an accident for me either DONALD What?? The others laugh STEVE That's even weirder DONALD (To STEVE) You sent your girl down there for this? STEVE I didn't send a girl DONALD Swa*k? Swa*k Not me. I'm looking for new girls Swa*k You got girls, downstairs? MISLA Of course it's not my girl. Why would I bring girls here? Swa*k Yeah, Misla never brings girls for anybody STEVE laughs, and MISLA throws something at Swa*k DONALD walks out STEVE (to DONALD) Yo, if that girl's cute, tell her to come upstairs, though EXT. LAWN. -- DAY MISLA is wearing traditional karate garb, practicing her forms on the gra** She does a short routine and bows CUT TO: EXT. POOL AREA - MORNING LUDWIG is playing on his guitar. He plays for a short while. CUT TO: EXT. POOL - MORNING DONALD is leaning over the side to talk to EMILY who is swimming DONALD What did you think of track seven? EMILY I don't know. It was okay. I don't know about the second one though. It wasn't scary enough DONALD What do you mean scary? It wasn't scary enough? EMILY You're not scary DONALD I'm pretty scary. I can be scary when I wanna EMILY Try DONALD pushes EMILY's head underwater DONALD Totally scary She comes back up and spits water on him DONALD Totally missed EMILY splashes him DONALD Alright DONALD pauses, and backs up, off screen He runs, and jumps into the water. EMILY screams DONALD My phone's in my pocket! CUT TO: INT. HOUSE (FRONT DOOR) - DAY An unknown person walks in and steps out of his shoes He kicks them off onto a sea of other shoes CUT TO: INT. PRODUCTION ROOM - DAY DONALD is demoing a song to a few others. They are listening along and the power goes out DONALD Oh sh** TRINIDAD JAMES That was tight DONALD The power went out STEFAN It was too turnt up CUT TO: INT. REC. ROOM - DAY CHANCE and TRINIDAD JAMES are playing a quiet game of Connect Four CHANCE (In a funny voice) This decision is pivotal CHANCE places a piece into the game, and TRINIDAD JAMES does the same, back and forth TRINIDAD JAMES Thanks CHANCE God damnit, did I just tweak? I just did it TRINIDAD JAMES places his winning piece, and CHANCE observes CHANCE God damnit! CHANCE screams and walks away. TRINIDAD JAMES laughs CUT TO: EXT. LAWN. - DAY CHANCE and DONALD are having a push-up contest STEVE and TRINIDAD JAMES are watching CHANCE You're old, Donald DONALD You're homeless. I can do this all day. I feel great. I'm getting an erection. Oh man, I'm so hard STEVE Stained. I can see it TRINIDAD JAMES I feel like Chance's hat might pop off CHANCE These are hat on pushups. DONALD Go all the way down when someone makes you do pushups CHANCE falls over, exhausted DONALD screams at CHANCE in victory CUT TO: EXT. PATIO - DAY Donald is DJing Kyle's song "Fruitsnacks", STEFAN is dancing behind him STEFAN waves at the mysterious GIRL DONALD stops DJing and turns to STEFAN, who is still dancing even with the absence of music DONALD Do you know her? STEFAN No DONALD Then why'd you wave? STEFAN I'm a gentleman CUT TO: INT. LEMON TREE GARDEN - AFTERNOON DONALD is sitting against a tree and holding the lemons that DANIELLE picks and hands to him DANIELLE I've had the most strangely reoccurring dreams over the last week. And uh, it's like of my wedding, but nothing is going right. Everything's a disaster. My guests are all there, it's all of my real life friends. They all look gorgeous. They're all like fully done up in their gowns that they're probably going to wear to the wedding, my family is there. But suddenly I realize I should've been married by now, and I'm not married, I'm not in my wedding dress. I'm all alone, in this giant area where I see my guests being served their co*ktail appetizers off of paper plates. Everyone seems to be having a great time, but they're eating off of paper plates. But I am wearing cargo pants. Army cargo pants DONALD Like Old Navy? DANIELLE Yeah, exactly. Like Old Navy cargo pants. I don't own Old Navy cargo pants. I'm not even sure where that came from in my head, but I'm wearing that with a T shirt and I'm supposed to be getting married. My hair's not done, my makeup's not done. And my mom comes in and asks me, "Why aren't you getting ready for your wedding?" And I'm like "Oh, I will be, I will be" but suddenly I'm smoking a cigarette, I even don't know why I'm smoking a cigarette, but in my mind I also that I'm three or four weeks pregnant. Horrible, right? So I tell my mom, "Mom, you don't know this, but I'm three or four weeks pregnant" and she says not "Put down the cigarette", she says, "Maybe you should get into your wedding dress". It's all very, very weird. I'm not sure what it means at all DONALD I think we have too many lemons DANIELLE One more? DONALD Yeah DANIELLE And these two DONALD Yeah, some of them. That'll be enough DANIELLE We can make guacamole CUT TO: INT. PIANO ROOM / EXT. POOL - DUSK STEFAN is playing the piano. His music transitions to: The legs of an unknown person balancing and walking along the edge of the pool CUT TO: A MONTAGE: A group of people are dancing around speakers. Assumingly, music is playing, but the events of that scene are muted, and replaced by the dialogue of... INT. MOVIE ROOM. - NIGHT DONALD and FLYING LOTUS are exchanging verses they've written FLYING LOTUS Investing time on writing lies, slightly truth without a clue I met my higher self, pissing off the roofs of drunken goofs He said "keep the mic smelly like a rotten tooth" And all your fears forgotten when the Cap is in the booth I'm an angel in an agony of flame Feathers growing at the mention of my name, reinvention of my shame I'm a slave to the darkness of my innermost cave And all these words I hold tighter than a glowstick at a rave, n***a Dance around the camp fire, bu*tnaked, blowing trees Could give a single f** if somebody sees, I'm free Red "V" bleed out a scarlet letter, k** a king And I'll sitting ready for whatever weather the seasons sing Picking up expensive habits, chasing after little rabbits Hope they lead me to a place of magic Sad at all the times I never thought I had it Losing all these memories, and y'all doubt it matters... Patterns DONALD Mouth to a Pellegrino, bottle color of envy Who the f** is Gambino, I hand a waitress a benji To act like she never met me, I'm saying though They want the game changed when your sh** on the radio Fruit was so hanging low, I didn't even bother She tryna land Obama's, man she get it from her mama I don't blame her, I tame her, give her something to visualize On my couch watching DVR'd "American Dad" Man those new Celine bags are so to die for I'm in that Porsche on Prozac, them suicide doors Watch her walk as the d**h becomes her Cause Mrs. Tarantino k** bills, no wonder My heaven is the present, so maybe this is it. Pray to God every night to make me believe he exists Drink a fifth of vodka, I don't need no sponsor, Heard a preacher holler, make him hold these souls And that's when like the hook... FLYING LOTUS Yeah that's tight. I like that You know you got a little... He points to DONALD's nose, and DONALD touches it to find blood dripping DONALD Oh sh** FLYING LOTUS Yeah DONALD gets up, and runs to the bathroom FLYING LOTUS(CONT'D) Wow CUT TO: INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT DONALD examines his nose in the mirror, surprised by the bleeding He looks for the source of all the blood, and notices and obstruction in his nasal pa**age- it's a string Nauseated and scared, he pulls the long, blood soaked string while gagging and coughing. Finally, he dislodges the string and what is attached at the end, a golden tooth He places it next to the sink and washes his hands, as the sound of the running water transitions into a similar sound of the shower water as DONALD now sits in the shower He is still, and his back is to us CUT TO: EXT. POOL AREA - NIGHT DONALD and FAM are sitting next to a bonfire, eating s'mores and swapping childhood stories FAM I remember being seventeen, being scared as hell. Getting prank calls, like crazy stuff. Just like senior year in high school. Had a lot of girls, it's crazy. So, this one girl, she was super crazy, she would call my phone from a blocked number, and it was her. But then I started getting like the crazy d**h threats. Started as a joke, then they knew exactly what kind of car I was driving, where I liked to hang out. Then they started shooting in the area, so I couldn't sleep at home anymore. Went and got a gun from my friend. Started sleeping on the street for a week. The scariest thing about it all though, is having a gun knowing you might have to use it. scarier than than k**ing somebody is thinking about k**ing somebody. Sometimes you can't explain why things happen. Those seven days, man, just couldn't handle it. Just couldn't handle it. You just get to that point like why did I get here? Sometimes they just do DONALD When I was like five or six, we were living in Decatur, in the projects. In Commons Drop. It's nice now, but like we were living there and I remember my mom's friend. Like a friend of the family. This kid like... Something happened, I didn't understand it but he had to stay with us for a couple of day. I didn't really understand it. But we didn't have any space. So he had to sleep in my bed. I remember in the morning waking up and he was like "Let's rub bu*ts". I was like "okay" like whatever I did it. And I didn't really get it. And then I turned, when we turned he kissed me FAM He kissed you? DONALD Yeah. Like you said, I don't know why it happened. I don't know why it happened FAM Did anybody like know about this? DONALD Nah, just him FAM That's wild DONALD It's crazy FAM Like I said, sometimes you just can't explain things DONALD I'm gonna go inside FAM Alright, I gonna stay out here, man DONALD begins to walk inside as we... CUT TO: HALLWAY DONALD is walking to his room, as the GIRL pa**es him in the opposite direction He turns, quizzically DONALD Who are you? She doesn't respond, or even look at him, and keeps walking. Donald continues walking to his room CUT TO: INT. DONALD'S ROOM. - NIGHT He is flying face up, eyes closed. The phone rings and he opens his eyes He leans over and picks up the phone WOMAN (V.O.) Hello, who's this? DONALD immediately hangs up, looks down for a moment, and takes off his sweatshirt and shirt He lies down and falls back asleep FADE OUT