Dave McPherson - The World's Biggest lyrics

Stood here minding my own business, good company and a quality pint of Guinness When suddenly, here comes a stranger with an opinion or two He does not understand the danger of the proverbial ice that he sways on But effortlessly, he encapsulates all that's annoying I'm talking to a titanic dick Oh, how I'd love to kick into a song that would make him sick A chorus that could fool him into thinking that this song's about no-one in particular But it is I hope he's not here 'cause he's a dick A self-obsessed, non-fictitious dick So, about the time I bumped into him at the bar, he rudely discussed my family and blah, blah, blah He told me I should get a real job, I wondered what that was Nine to five until you die I also pondered what on earth his name was, I recognised his sly, bulbous features I asked the drunken preacher his name, quick, while sipping on my hard-earned drink And he revealed he was a complete and utter dick, it sounds harsh but he was a dick The world's biggest royal dick I feel sorry for his missus, it probably pisses her off that she kisses that thing daily Can't emphasise enough The guy is an absolute dick like a magician without the magic tricks The third verse won't try to be cryptic, no metaphors or quaint hieroglyphics That way I may just accentuate how much you're not my mate But I guess it'll just have to wait 'cause I can't find the words Like the dodos couldn't find the rest of the birds I know that this sounds absurd but rest a**ured, you will not be leaving empty-handed Now here's your award Congratulations, you're the world's biggest Congratulations, you're the world's biggest Congratulations, you're the world's biggest Congratulations, you're the world's biggest dick