Dan Bull - Wiggly Willy lyrics

[Verse 1] My full name's Cheltenham D.G.L.B. Digby My diet consists strictly of single malt whisky I'm particularly sesquipedalian I've not published a single literary failure And I'd speculate that's mainly thanks to the fact That I don't even write books, I just rap Trust that I'm a distinguished linguist Whose voice's weapon of choice is English A rhythm wrecking rhetorician, getting recognition For the fact that I'm swagger's dictionary definition On first look, you're ready for a second listen I took your sister to third base, cherry picking Heavy hitting, yet with incredible erudition It's a travesty you haven't seen me rapping on your television [Hook] I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly [Verse 2] Allow the grime scene for the time being I turn the G into a C: crime scene I'm the nightmare to come and wreck your nice dream I'll open up your top like a double decker sightseeing I ripped the Rolex off of Wiley And now I wear it in my jacket pocket by my tie, see? I'm the reason that your wife's seen the dry cleaner Imbibing my seed like Ribena I'll livestream it widescreen As she lies, semen smeared on her cheeks like a child eating ice cream She might need a new dress; Lewinsky I'm going mental on your crew's set; Klaus Kinski I'll kick your mumsy in the mimsy with an air of whimsy Then throw her down the stairs like a slinky [Hook] I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly [Verse 3] Give me a mo, bro; Digby Will make your ho go giggly, oh so quickly The po-po tried to photofit me I simply did this and they let me go: victory I don't have any history, lathered in mystery Someone phone Agatha Christie My breath smells of a packet of Wrigley's Mixed with whatever the hell my tobacconist gives me I'll piggyback on the back of a pygmy Screaming "quickly, quickly" while I'm jabbing his kidneys From the Indies to Sydney and in between A Cold War submarine is my limousine A libertine with the sympathy of Mr Bean A prick that means to to be inflammatory so bring your antihistamines I'm Mister Meanness, I bring a list of misdemeanours Bigger than your sister's penis; how pissed the scene is Just switch your speakers off if you're squeamish I've completed treatises and theses on faeces I'm the bee's knees; pollenating on the daily I leave seeds upon a range of lovely ladies I ram raided Hades with a Mercedes Camera in the deceased's faces: "say cheese" I'm from a place of make believe, and now I'm real Slightly hallucinatory is how I feel Thou art kneeling before me; raw meat Ready to be churned and then turned into corned beef Balls deep in the rhythm like a p**n scene And jisming, it's beginning to get a bit like Wall Street With all the greed I'm growing taller than a broad bean Drag you to the park folded in half like a lawn seat [Hook] I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby My witty words make your willy feel all wiggly I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly