Dan Bull - Surgeon Simulator lyrics

Hi, I’m Nigel Burke You might know me as the guy that lurks In the hospital pulling back the final curtains As saving lives is my line of work I’m overworked, and I’m overpaid Nobody else gets home as late No time to poo, no time to wee To go on a date, no time to sleep, see But regardless, of what they’re paying me I’m the hardest, in the A & E A couple of whiskies, a couple of baileys I’m ready for my shift; give me the blade, please This is an emergency surgery, third degree burns Leave the patient waiting in purgatory, operating with urgency We can’t take an eternity, blood loss rate is discernibly Worse than the state of my purse on my Lace Anniversary Unlucky That’s why I stay here so late just to earn a fee That’s why the patient is late, toe-tagged and lay on a slate In this infirmary Yeah, I may have made a mistake There may be stains on my apron But baby, hey, I’m just saying That when the table is shaking In the back of an ambulance It’s a little difficult to keep on track what your hands are doing Oh golly, when you’re on a trolley Trying to find the right tool’s like Where’s Wally If I was you I’d be crying for my mommy I’d give you a tissue, but I’ve not got one on me Sorry, I’m a little unprepared But luckily you’re not in a position to be running scared Caught you unawares, anaesthetised Now you’re asleep, give me your teeth and eyes What are you worried about? Who’s scary? I’m just the new tooth fairy I’m coming for your calcium Like a loon let loose in the dairy When I said I’m not a dentist what I meant is Of all my sk**s, it’s just a percentage My qualifications might be invented But I won’t get better without trying to attempt it Dentally demented, I tend to need apprentices Because it’s them that seem to comprehend more than me I generally pretend it, and so far I’ve never been suspended In theatre, I’m territorial Less surgical, more gladiatorial If this gets any more gory I’ll put it on YouTube as a tutorial I’ve been awake on call for days My eyes are red as when I went to Ultralase Not a qualified eye surgeon But I can’t help but help when you’re eye’s hurting See, I’m a nice person, Chris Martin I’ll try to fix you; quick, stick a heart in! Enough blarting, we’ve hit an artery Made a chest cavity big enough to park in Demographically setting a precedent Increasing the speed that you’ll get an inheritance I never get done for medical negligence Not because I’m good, but ‘cause I bury the evidence Demographically setting a precedent Increasing the speed that you’ll get an inheritance I never get done for medical negligence Not because I’m good, but ‘cause I bury the evidence Chop chop! You’re life in my hands