Dan Bull - Spiderman! Spider Man! Hyphenated as Spider-Man! lyrics
[Verse 1] Have you ever seen a man climbing a wall Up the side of a building that is decidedly tall? Who despite gravity trying is declining to fall One can only imagine the flipping size of his balls Well that’s me known as Spiderman or Spidey And I’m called Peter Parker really though I should be Peter Parkour Leaping through the dark gloomy city coming at you Weaving over roofs like a traditional thatcher So no matter your stance or your status or statue You, bad guys, are flies and I’m going to catch you This one’s for Gwen and uncle Ben, dedicated to Aunt May I’m the man you dress up as when you’re too lazy to cosplay [Chorus 1] Spider-man, Spider-man Does whatever a spider can (hey) Spider-man, Spider-man He’s not a mutant, it’s an overactive thyroid gland (wo) Spider-man, Spider-man I’m delivering this line from my diaphragm (hey) Spider-man, Spider-man If you still don’t get it – here’s a diagram (ey) [Verse 2] I’m Iron Man but without the ma**ive salary I’m Bruce Wayne if he had a loving family I’m Bruce Banner but without being ripped or angry I’m the Black Panther but without much of a tan on me I’m the Flash if he hadn’t even ran at speed I’m Jean Grey but with a double a cup mammary I’m Deadpool if he lacked a personality I’m James Gunn without directing Guardians of the Galaxy-oh I’ll just pop out for a vertical jog Where buildings penetrate the sky like a cervical swab I started at the bottom now I’m traversing atop A ma**ive phallic symbol as if it’s my personal knob Err, you’ll have to take my word for it, but I’m this handsome Definitely not a virgin My dick Branson Oh sorry, I just went off on a big tangent But now I’m trapping you in the web like Chris Hansen [Chorus 2] Spider-man, Spider-man Does whatever a spider can (hey) Spider-man, Spider-man Goes hard like a penile implant (wo) Spider-man, Spider-man Does whatever a spider can (hey) Apart from eating their mate during copulation that we know of anyway Spider-man, Spider-man Spider-man [Verse 3] I’m a happy kind of rapper guy No grime pretense Yeah, I’m a little camp but so are tiny tents Look, in my defense, I can’t rely on my spidey sense and I can’t deny that I’m immense so why pretend? It’s kind of dense I’m the headliner, you guys are the side events I fly across the skyline while you try to climb a fence High flying Fashionista wrapped in tight lycra Defying expectations of my critics like bycra Say I can’t swing roof to roof – that’s fake news It’s not up to me to prove the truth So if you dispute then I refuse to tiptoe You can take it straight up with Stan Lee and Steve Ditko It’s risky like investing into P2P crypto Or expecting to see Diplo at the D of E disco So come along to my swingers club I’ll bring the white stuff if you bring the bub I’ve got a thing for Kinbaku The kink I love and don’t be scared if you find a spider in the tub I’m here to help you get over arachnophobia So don’t be afraid You’re like a cobweb when I blow you away [Chorus 3] Spider-man, Spider-man Does whatever a spider can (hey) Spider-man, Spider-man Gets ASMR during an eye exam (wo) Spider-man, Spider-man Never constipated, thanks to high fibre bran (hey) Let me promote for a mo, hope you don’t mind the spam This track’s on Google Music, Spotify and Tidal, damn (ey)