D-Dubb - Kid Twist vs Chedda Cheese lyrics

[Round 1: Kid Twist] This is the battle you wanted your whole life Well you were destined for me This was the battle I took so Sketch would stop f**ing messaging me You've got a weird obsession with me I'm not worried I'll lose to this dude I'm worried my stalkers trying to turn me into a skin suit He's got a lens with a long zoom and a dark room with all the pictures he takes of me He makes Youtube accounts just to hate on me And his other accounts reply praising me And if you go into his basement down his hidden stairwell You'll see the Kid Twist statue he built out of my old bottles of hair gel That's f**ed up But on some real sh**, the Blue Jays owe me stacks The dude with flips in the Six, I was known as that way before Joey Bats So quit the phony act, don't pretend that we rap the same The only time you see Cheese come off the head is the end of a Packers game Your real name is Shey Rogers, I thought it was "Gay Focker" And how's your rap name "Cheddar" when you've never aged proper? You've got the age of a preteen, the physique of a decayed walker So any girl who dates you is both a cradle and grave robber I'm saying you're an awkward-looking dork And that's what every song you've wrote about, too So what are we battling for if we're both making jokes about you!? Even as a parody artist you're hard to take serious If Weird Al was here now he'd be on some Ghostface sh** He gave you a grace period But that's not fair, cause "Weird" Al is nicer when he flows on rapper's music You took your whole style from "Amish Paradise", but can't hold a candle to it You're a copy of a copy, so the fact that you have a rep seems wrong You even bit your slogan from the f**ing Chia Pet theme song! Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia f** outta here And since you took your battle rubric off me, ask Shuffle how it went when pupils fought me It's YTV in the '90s, the way I show you student bodies! 'Cause I'll always be the best joker It's like when Heath Ledger moved on They only let Jared Leto play the part 'cause I slept for too long! [Round 1: Chedda Cheese] First of all, you're 29 and you call yourself a kid Enough with the babble, time to trade Nickelodeon for Discovery Channel Somebody should take legal action on you like a judge with a gavel Then take the Kid out of your name like a custody battle And all you underground nerds can get laid out like a futon, son I'll body Snak The Ripper and Mad Child in a 2 on 1 But as for Twist? You think you're better with the words, I'll even beat you on the Scrabble board Show up at your mansion and I'll push you off your paddle board Looking more hipster than the people that you battle for Hipster like Macklemore working at the Apple Store On top of that, you're the girliest opponent that I've had before Girly like Mandy Moore working at the candy store A copycat with a big-a** beak, it isn't hard to see That means I wrote to k** a mockingbird like Harper Lee But you've been writing a book for ten years, suffering from writer's block Laughed when I saw this comic stripped of his title shot Now King Of The Dot won't book marks like Kid Twist getting paid to rap Got no spine, that's why they want their paper back But your career as a battler and author are morbidly alike It speaks volumes that you got so many issues when performing on the mic But it's too late to turn the page on all that corny sh** you write 'Cause this is the final chapter in the story of your life [Round 2: Kid Twist] Calling me a nerd, but you're the biggest nerd we've seen this far You say I work at the Apple Store? Yeah, 'cause every line is a genius bar! His sh** is so white, I guarantee there will be no fight And they'll post it to WorldStar titled "When Keeping It Real Goes Right" But you've named yourself Chedda instead of Cheddar Cause you think it sounds urban and hard f** off, we know damn well you say that word with an "R" Look, we all go through that awkward looking for acceptance stage You remind me of myself in 7th grade, except you're 28 So if you an T-Rex battle, man that sh** would be a tense one Cause "grown man bars", that's something you're exempt from And with that squeaky-a** voice, no girl is taking you home with her You're Doc Ellis: from that high pitch, your game is a no-hitter But I'm honestly surprised that your name didn't grow bigger I mean we heard you on all those early beats from Kanye: you're a dope singer Your facial skin is full of deep pits and grease slicks You're like a snack addict Always popping cheese zits You rep Alberta so hard your whole face is an oil patch So now that [?] took over you gotta move to avoid the tax This is what you wanted But the ending to his daydream is grim Cheese crushed in a bag, I'm making KD with him You introduce yourself as Marshall to the ladies and grin But even when they think you're Eminem the chance they want the Shey D is Slim {minor choke} His fans are like, "Yo, check out the flows he drops. They're advanced." What? Cause he just got very amped and did the Night At The Roxbury dance? Ayo, hickory, dickory, dock If you spit with this rhythm, then stop The doctors need new d** when they're treating ya Cause your sh** sounds like Bone Thugs with leukemia They say that I'm a comic, not a rapper Well if that hype's true, I would rather not rap than f**ing rap like you! His flow is nothing if you can't write too So I'll never think you're tight 'Cause I can count your quotables on one hand if that hand was Fingaz' right [Round 2: Chedda Cheese] How do you constantly complain about the politics in battles And then literally bring a politician to your battle? How do you pull the biggest gimmick of the year and still get bodied every round? You embarra**ed Norm Kelly and you let your city down You're a disgrace, could've done it in a way that had some taste Instead of "Here's Norm Kelly. You can say it to his face." Man, that's like winning a million and dropping it at The Dollar Store Like casting a super villain and ending up with Pauly Shore That's like having a crystal ball and just before it shows you the future and what it's got in store You drop it on the marble floor In terms that you can follow more That's like coming to battle with a holographic Charizard and laying down a Bulbasaur And yeah Norm Kelly dissed me last night, it was comical actually But [?] told me to tell you and your family to tell Norm that he's no longer welcome in Calgary Man you know I got that home town advantage No matter the scenario I'm Kanye in Chicago, Don Cherry in Ontario Got all of Canada with me Feel like the man in my city Feel like the Pope, when he's walking through Vatican City Swagged out chilling in the Sistine Chapel While you hanging out at home watching Sixteen Candles But do you know where Twist is in his element? Twisted Element (That's the gay bar in Calgary) When the Kid's hear, sh** gets weird This here won't cut it, got fleas all in that little beard and grease all in that mullet Type of sh** you can't stomach, whole career about to plummet When I rap like I'm rapping I'll beat you pretending that you hate it but I know you love it [Round 3: Kid Twist] Man, all that rhythm sh** you do is too extra You just make it look like rhyming is hard You brought up Pokemon holographs cause that's the only time you had shine on a card This is where it gets real I'm sorry I gotta do this But it's about time his personal life really got exposed So I was gonna dig up dirt but sometimes it's just better not to know What? You thought I was gonna drop some heavy personals? That's not our lane And I don't need Caustic's sh** to beat you, I am not Arcane You got all my qualities they don't like but at exaggerated heights It's like a Youtube comment about me came to life Cause I'm Pharrell, Corey's Chad, you're the other guy that hung about You know, the one in the N.E.R.D. crew nobody gives a f** about Look, that was a bit harsh, I'm just trying to put him back in his place Cause getting compared to Charron, that's a slap in the face If K-Shine had smacked you? Your head would've damn near been severed from your neck Cause all it would take is that flick of the wrist that Chedda to connect Imagine he played his own sh** at the strip club Now that's f**ed up to picture You're watching a girl twerk to Chedda singing about his allergies to dust as you tip her And you date so workers so you feel T's Pain being In Love With A Stripper Cause there is not a surface in your house that isn't covered in glitter If you thought C was fire, it must've been your team logo I'm here to keep these nerds in line like a chess team photo So now I got him in a panic, you should pop another Xanax I'll show Jay Baruchel how this sh** works that's Popular Mechanics You thought it was your big shot when you saw our names up on the poster But you don't want this spotlight, it's Frostbite you'll lose face from the exposure And you brought up Pauly Shore but remember that scene in The Goofy Movie? Well that's how I can leave ya, cause these punches got Chedda leaning; Tower Of Cheeza! I'm a missionary, I'm invading his turf just to take him to church I know you all hate my city too so that's just making it worse But it's like Alberta and Ontario had our locations reversed Cause you paid me for heat and I gave him this work [Round 3: Chedda Cheese] You wanna do some Pokemon rebu*tals I'll be catching 'em all Like how I rap, won't stop til competitors fall But you have never gotten better at all Like Pikachu in the original series I guess you'll never evolve And I'd much rather be the DJ at the strip club making some of the wealth Than the creepy virgin who gets kicked out for touching himself Man your rounds are waaay longer than 90 seconds I guess battle rap is always on your mind I'm glad you were so inspired to think about me for such a long amount of time You've been strategically writing for every possible scenario that might unfold I'm just still trying to figure out was blue and black or white and gold My style is brand new, ready to blow like it's carbonated Your style is old, washed up, boring and carbon dated Contemplated on some complicated schemes and concentrated Stay calm, accommodated my thoughts as they congregated Then it came to me, you and I are nothing alike I was trying to make comparisons but ended up with nothing to write So don't compare us to each other on some white guy sh** Just cause you drive like this and hi-five like this Cause from battles to music, Alex Larson doesn't fit I'm Alan Parson's on the mix, Max Martin with the hits I k** it in ways that Al Larson couldn't wish Got me raising my voice like Al Sharpton in this b**h Take skinny nerdy white guys like me, 360 and Rone And then compare them to people like Kid Twist and Charron It's not the same We're completely different types of rappers And if you can't tell the difference your opinion doesn't matter I'm sorry Always acting like some sort of proud father Think you're everybody's idol cause you been around longer But I remember when I had no rhythm When I never had a clue Then I stepped my game up while you did nothing to improve So you can try to claim that I've been looking up to you But I surpa**ed your level years ago, who's looking up to who?