Cryptic Wisdom - Soul Search lyrics

Yeah It's been a really long time I've grown up a lot and I'm tryna be different, I hope that you noticed it too I'm not as angry as I used to be when I started to rap and was broken in two Nothin' was sweeter to me than ideas of bein' more than someone nobody knew Maybe cause nobody knew what I been through and it was too hard and I told them the truth If you knew what I was thinkin' about, it was harder to suppress all the anger Yellin' at the microphone was the only way I was able to [?] with these changes I know you wanted to see me portrayed in a way that I barely could hang with Tellin' me it's hard to mess with me now that I'm doin' better and I'm virtually painless But when I was down in the gutter knew everybody that had ever come around me had it like that I cracked under the white light, define that Time pa**ed by and I finally got the mind back Didn't really wanna be the one to do it, but you knew I was doin' it [?] All I know is I ain't done with the flow any moment I'm goin' to show you what I know and bring it right back And some of you really believe that an artist just isn't entitled to change I think it's just a deflection of your own rejection of copin' with life in these ways But freakier to me, if people to talk about you [with they necks in your face?] I always pretend I don't see it cause it's even sharper to know there's a knife in your way Why you gonna piss an elephant off [?] I don't even k** 'em in real life, but push it and you will see somebody rise And I know that there's somebody in me I don't wanna be and I keep it inside But still I it, believe that everybody's got a limit and no one's [?] It's gonna get ugly in here! Everything that I been bottling up is about to ignite Better here me, yeah! You will now know that if I'm goin' down then it's down with a fight For every tongue I ever bite, every lyric that I don't recite I'm tired of hidin' the way that I feel to make somebody feel as if they wanna like me I ain't about that life! Look in my eyes, I've had an epiphany Memory playin' to me like a symphony Tappin' in to it, I remember vividly What I was doin' it for It is for me It is therapeutic listening I ain't listening to anybody but me, when I write I'm gonna write my history, come on! I don't believe in what anybody wanna tell me that they never been into me and I really hate lies Maybe I'm cynical, I get minimal intervals with another human being every day of my life I don't wanna be nice, and I don't wanna be a buddy-buddy at a price All I wanna do is celebrate it when I rise, and give anybody I love a really good life It's funny I dropped out of school, wouldn't you know it I thought I was cool But if I'm bein' honest, I blame it on my inability for me to follow the rules Didn't do it so I could be told what to do in my music and coddle you fools I won't pretend to be anyone other than me anymore, I don't wanna be used And that's probably not what you wanted to hear Don't follow me, I'm no role model, that's clear I got them issues I'm tryna accept that I don't wanna befriend you if aren't able to get that I'm on a mission to soul search I am aware that the globe hurts I don't know where I'ma find me, but when I do I'ma prob'ly have no words I don't believe I have no purpose Diggin' it up in the cold earth I was [?] I'm livin' in pain, and later my flow birth from go first