Clive - Delivering A Stillborn lyrics

There's no Earthly way of knowing which direction we are going There's no knowing where we're rowing or which way the river's flowing Is it raining is it snowing, I don't know… V1: I've got a date with fate but I said I'd take a rain check Ain't slept in days as I take steps to gaze At the next stage in life, the next page to write The best days and nights are ahead of me ready to be Light years ahead of this social sedative Coasting, hoping to get ahead of this repetitive nature The pain hurts although I still make sure To justify wasting time with minor accomplishments But it's difficult to carry on when you're disconsolate Problems are toppling and conquering me Contemplating complicated options, corroborating my thoughts But intoxicated with doubt, going crazy I'm lost Chasing a mirage, waiting for the NOS to kick in My engine, take another loss and then win Till then, I squeeze truth out of the pen In an effort to get all of the blues out of my head So used to having to lose, no clue on how I can win So determined now but I know I'll soon doubt it again Surrounded by men and women who went and lived out the trends While I'm drowning all my feelings by drinking out of the gin Walking the line between the dark and the light Caught on a tightrope that would make equilibrists call it a night Spend part of your life alone, it'll let you see Isolation is the air that depression breathes So to get past these challenges I'll fight in teams for my queen, call me a paladin I'm incandescent, hot so I shine, call me halogen Moving back and forth, call me an annelid Chose to pursue my dreams, meanwhile I'm battling The doubt of my decision everyday but I'm glad I did Pensively straddling fences and gathering tension And traveling on and on and on… V2: There's an empty feeling at the pit of my stomach It's lingering and I'm sick because of it Could be the fear of putting in years into something that doesn't Promise humungous budgets. So, although I love it like a drug Got to fund it with something till I can become one with it I'm done visiting these cerebral slums Not asleep but I'm dreaming of All these creatures creeping up but I keep it up Writing and typing and fighting to keep ashore Braving waves I fight at sea, striking the deepest chord Sailing on my ship racing to the cliff, hanging on Spending all day crossfaded, three sheets in the wind A part of me says leave it at this, cease and desist But my heart is screaming reach for your bliss and leap at the risk Lots of tears and sweat between dreams and success It seems like I guess nothing worth it's easy to get We all start at the same spot, running the race But I'm afraid I'll see all the others in front of my face Stumbling and tumbling down, stomach rumbling now Jumping the hurdles the struggle makes my hunger insatiable We all arrive at the same destination but I only cry and I pray that it's painless Sometimes we don't know what we're good at till we try So we lie stagnant, repeating the same habits Hoping it grabs us to a higher level but I'm a rebel To my own redundancies. Why must it be So hard to go far and just succeed Like a gold star shining, I must be free Trying to break loose without breaking apart Should I open my mind or awaken my heart This psychoan*lysis activates my paralysis Animating the challenges awaiting ahead V3: They got their eyebrows raised like, "why you wearing your shades"? Cause I don't always feel like sharing my pain See the peril in my pupils, I'm embarra**ed to say That I'm a pupil who's been careless and scared, hysterical lately I've been staring and gazing at my parents and praying They don't go, oh no I'm very afraid Might be morbid but I'm more aware we can parish today than before And I'm just hoping that it's not in the cards But there's a hole in my heart looking like the Barringer crater Cause this marriage was made worse since the start It's becoming apparent it's up to me to take care of them When I inherit their places but I can't carry the weight With this hobby of mine, either get a job or get signed Cause to save them I got to get by My insecurities buried deep beneath the surface That worry me, surely keeping secrets hurts us Eternity's just a thought to keep us comforted We know we'll fall eventually but still we keep on jumping in Conjunctivitis from straining my eyes too much Trying to see my future life and such Standing in the spotlight, the surrounding darkness Hiding a sea of people. Just hearing the sound sparks the Fire in my heart, the desire to embark On a journey as I'm learning how to climb up to the top But this whole schooling this is really bringing me down My solution was quit, go and sing to the town But as soon as I get up and get to the crowd I peruse statistics and fall sick to the ground But these brooding instincts keep on sitting me down My astute linguists keep me feeling the sound But it's not too realistic, you should stick to the ground Don't want to do some distance then put your kicks in your mouth” Well I'm thinking it's now or never at all, swinging is the pendulum Stealing my soul so I'm stone stepping through the trenches Soaking wet, broken legs, alone resting on the precipice Ready to erupt like Krakatoa, it's time to grow up Intravenously feeding this fetus with dreams of achievement I'm feeling defeated, it doesn't seem to be breathing Inhibiting the pain in pill form lately Afraid I'm delivering a stillborn baby