Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis - An Appeal to End Appeals lyrics

Sir, - I try to do my duty as a patriotic man With sane views about the science of gastronomy; And I'd ask the promulgators of each food consuming plan To consider man's interior economy. I shall not go into details. But I merely wish to say My observance hitherto has been meticulous Of the many noble slogans: but I fear the scheme today Has at last begun to merge with the ridiculous. Very nobly I responded to the urge to 'Eat More Fruit'; I bought it and consumed it with avidity. I was keen to serve my country; and the diet seemd to suit (If we waive a tendency to slight acidity) Then the ringing slogan sounded thro' the contry: 'Eat More Wheat!' I a**imilated faithfully that cereal Then we were asked to eat more eggs, to eat more oats, more meat; While tissue waxed - both moral and material. And now, sir, to my horror, 'Eat more bu*ter' is the plan. But I ask you: Can I hope to rise superior? There are symptoms. And I fear the patriotic outer man Is at issue, so to speak, with the interior, On, I long to do my gastronomic duty; yet I shrink I shudder - tho' I swear I am no sceptic But bu*ter! Slabs of bu*ter! There are limits, don't you think? Sir, I remain, Yours faithfully, 'DYSPEPTIC.'