Christopher Walken - Three Little Pigs lyrics

Hello children. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. Once upon a time there were three little pigs, and they each decided to build them-self a house. Now, the first little piggy was a very lazy little piggy, and he built his house from straw. The second little piggy was not too bright either, and he built his house from twigs; but the third little piggy was smart, he was no dunsky! He built his house from bricks. Smart piggy; oink, oink! Anyway, in the same village there was a wolf! He's big wolf! Bad wolf! Big bad wolf! Get the picture!? Also, this wolf he loved pork: pork sandwiches, pork pies, pork scratchings, bacon bu*ties… put a pig in it, he loved it. Now, Wolfie sees the three little houses with the three little pigs in ‘em and thinks to himself: Pork City! Wolfie goes to house number one, wolife knocks on the door; but it's a straw door so how he knocks on it, I don't know. Who wrote this? But, hey, knock knock anyway, right? Who wants to argue? In his most polite voice Wolfie says, ‘Little piggy, little piggy. Little piggy, little piggy, let me come in.' ‘No!' Says the little pig, who knows a wolf when he sees one, ‘not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin.' So now the pig has a chin, what do I know? So, ‘lemme in!' Says the wolf, ‘or I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down.' ‘No!' Says the pig, ‘no, no, no!' But Wolfie is a wolf of his word so he huffs and he puffs, and he blows that house a-way! Exit pig one. Pig two: same story. ‘I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!' Arrivederci porko numero due! Bonjourno salami! I like this wolf, he's not freezing his a** off hunting snow bunnies, in Alaska, he just goes to pigs houses, and blows on ‘em. So, Wolfie stands outside the house of piggy number three, and they a**ume their battle positions. ‘Lemme in!' ‘No, no!' ‘I'll huff and I'll puff!' ‘Go away!' ‘Okay, you axed for it, piggy!' Wolfie is huffing, ‘huff, huff,' and Wolfie is puffing, ‘puff, puff! Boof, badda-boom!' Nothing. This is a brick house, they do not blow over so easy. So, Wolfie gets himself a ladder, climbs up onto the roof; piggy sees him climb onto the roof; Wolfie makes for the chimney; piggy lights a fire in the grate; Wolfie goes down the chimney, he burns. Wolfie burns! Wolfie burns and piggy lives…happily ever after. That's it, what can I tell ya? Next week: Hamsel and Gramsel.”