Christopher Johnson - Birthday, b**h! lyrics

ZACK Bet this really takes you back KYRA I could never find yours, Zack NADIA Excuse me MATT What the hell is that? RORY It's a piñata, Matt LUCAS Put it there instead KYRA Wouldn't want to hit your head NADIA I wrote a song for us to sing ZACK They'll be here any minute RORY I need tape LUCAS Got cups? MATT A plate? NADIA When I go like this, we'll begin it RORY, NADIA & KYRA Happy birthday Ivy, you are the special birthday b**h NADIA We go you some Vagisil to help clear up that nasty itch PETER That's pretty, Nadia ZACK She'll love that ALAN Towels, stat LUCAS She's gonna die NADIA If we should be so lucky PETER Be nice NADIA Why? RORY Mary Jane made some brownies. They're dope KYRA My favorite RORY Mine too LUCAS Oooh! Spacecakes PETER Cool! Who made these? RORY Does he know? LUCAS Please PETER Know what? ALAN I need a cup ZACK I may have to crash here tonight there's no way I'm gonna make it home NADIA What the hell, the bed's still warm 'Cause Ivy never sleeps alone Same old gift from different givers; Throw the dog another bone MATT Time to go LUCAS Sorry, bro MATT Are those her panties? KYRA Yes, indeed LUCAS Guess who's horny? JASON Him (to Matt) NADIA, DIANE, KYRA, RORY Agreed LUCAS Open shop, take all you need NADIA I would wear three MATT Maybe I'm not being clear... DIANE They're here LUCAS Quiet ZACK These are so good NADIA Sing out, Louise ALAN Guys, where are all the cups? PETER, JASON, NADIA, LUCAS, KYRA, RORY, DIANE, ALAN, ZACK, & TANYA Shut up 1, 2, 3, 4 Happy birthday Ivy, you're the ugliest of all You are the worst and most perverse to roam Cecilia's hallowed halls Your mother was a hooker and your father was a dick He poked her in a toaster and the pair produced a pig Whose brain is awfully tiny and whose a** is awfully big Happy birthday b**h! Happy birthday b**h Happy birthday Ivy, b**h, b**h, b**h, b**h, b**h NADIA Then they took that little b**h and they f**ed her in the a**... Sorry MATT Happy Birthday DIANE Matt planned the party MATT Some of it IVY Thank you, this is very sweet MATT She's loaded, what happened to her? TANYA You told me to 'keep her busy' PETER You don't wanna play? JASON Nah...why are you so happy? PETER I wish your piñata were that big JASON You do know those are pot brownies? PETER Oops 'Want to go back to the rave The two of us dancing together Out there in the open So then what's stopping us now? I hear our song on the radio And I don't care who knows JASON Lower your voice... What is wrong with you? PETER I think we're missing so much Jason, I wish I could shout it Shout how much I love you! JASON Hey IVY Hey, you any good with a stick? JASON What have you heard? IVY Come help me JASON Sure... give me one sec' PETER Don't go JASON Peter, stop PETER God, but the rave JASON -Was different We don't live in a rave Look, you have to stop acting like this... PETER Like what? Your boyfriend?