Christoph Waltz - Inglourious Basterds - Confrontation of Aldo, Utivich, and Hans Landa Script lyrics

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT [Two GERMAN SOLDIERS pull ALDO and UTIVICH over to a table to sit down in. The soldiers take off the black bags on Aldo and Utivich's heads.] [On the table, there is a telephone and a bottle of wine with three wine gla**es.] [Sitting on the other side of the table is HANS LANDA.] HANS: Tell me, Aldo. If I were sitting where you're sitting, would you show me mercy? [Aldo slowly shakes his head.] ALDO: Nope. HANS: What is that English expression about shoes and feet? ALDO: "Looks like the shoe is on the other foot." Yeah, I was just thinking that. HANS (GERMAN): (To soldiers) You may leave us. But stay alert outside. [The German soldiers leave.] HANS (ENGLISH): So you're Aldo the Apache. ALDO: So you're the Jew Hunter. HANS: I'm a detective. A damn good detective. Finding people is my specialty. So naturally, I worked for the Nazis finding people. And, yes, some of them were Jews, but Jew Hunter? (Scoffs) Just a name that stuck. UTIVICH: Well, you do have to admit, it is catchy. HANS: Do you control the nicknames your enemies bestow on you? Aldo the Apache and the Little Man? UTIVICH: What do you mean "the Little Man?" HANS: Germans' nickname for you. UTIVICH: The Germans' nickname for me is the Little Man? HANS: And as if to make my point, I'm a little surprised how tall you were in real life. I mean, you're a little fellow, not circus-midget little, as your reputation would suggest. ALDO: Where's my men? Where's Bridget von Hammersmark? [Hans' mood suddenly drops.] HANS: Well, let's just say she got what she deserved. And when you purchase friends like Bridget von Hammersmark, you get what you pay for. Now as far as your paesanos, Sergeant Donowitz and Private Omar... ALDO: How you know our names? HANS: Lieutenant Aldo, if you don't think I wouldn't interrogate every single one of your swastika-marked survivors... we simply aren't operating on the level of mutual respect I a**umed. ALDO: No, I guess not. HANS: Well, back to the whereabouts of your two Italian saboteurs... [Hans' mood lightens.] HANS: Both Omar and Donowitz should be sitting in the very seats we left them in, double-zero twenty-three and double-zero twenty-four, if my memory serves. Explosives still around their ankles, still ready to explode. And your mission - some would call a terrorist plot - as of this moment, is still a go. ALDO: That's a pretty exciting story. What's next, Eliza on Ice? HANS: However... all I have to do is pick up this phone (points to telephone) right here, inform the cinema, and your plan is kaput. ALDO: If they're still here, and if they're still alive - and that's one big "if" - there ain't no way you going to take them boys without setting off them bombs. HANS: I have no doubt. And, yes, some Germans will die. Yes, it will ruin the evening. And yes, Goebbels will be very, very, very mad at you for what you've done to his big night. But you won't get Hitler, you won't get Goebbels, you won't get Göring, and you won't get Bormann. And you need all four to end the war. But if I don't pick up this phone (points to telephone) right here, you may very well get all four. And if you get all four, you end the war, tonight. [Hans grabs the three wine gla**es and the bottle of wine.] HANS: So gentlemen, let's discuss the prospect of ending the war tonight. [Hans pops the cork off the top of the bottle of wine and begins pouring into the three wine gla**es.] HANS: So, the way I see it, since Hitler's d**h or possible rescue rest solely on my reaction, if I do nothing, it's as if I causing his d**h even more than yourselves. Wouldn't you agree? ALDO: I guess so. [Hans finishes pouring the wine, sets the bottle back on the side of the table, and puts the cork back onto it.] [Hans hands a gla** of wine to Utivich.] ALDO: How about you Utivich? UTIVICH: I guess so, too. [Hans hands another gla** to Aldo.] HANS: Gentlemen, I have no intention of k**ing Hitler and k**ing Goebbels and k**ing Göring and k**ing Bormann, not to mention winning the war single-handedly for the Allies only later to find myself standing before a Jewish tribunal. If you want to win the war tonight... we have to make a deal. ALDO: What kind of deal? HANS: The kind you wouldn't have the authority to make. However, I'm sure this mission of yours has a commanding officer. A general. I'm betting for... the OSS would be my guess. [Neither Aldo or Utivich respond.] HANS: OOH! That's a bingo! ...Is that the way you say it, "that's a bingo?" ALDO: You just say "bingo." HANS: BINGO! How fun! But I digress. Where were we? Yeah! Make a deal. Over there is a very capable two-way radio and sitting behind it is a more-than-capable radio operator named Hermann. [Hans points to the other side of the room. There is a two-way radio being operated by HERMANN.] HANS: Get me on the other end of that radio with the power of the pen to authorize my... let's call it the terms of my conditional surrender, if that tastes better going down. [Aldo leans in.] ALDO: You know where I'm from. [Hans leans in quicker.] HANS: Yeah? Where is that exactly? ALDO: Maynardville, Tennessee. I've done my share of bootlegging. Up there, if you engage in what the federal government calls illegal activity - but what we call just a man trying to make a living for his family selling moonshine liquor - it behooves oneself to keep his wits. Long story short, we hear a story too good to be true, it ain't. [Hans gives a slight nod.] HANS: Sitting in your chair, I would probably say the same thing, and nine-hundred and ninety-nine point nine-hundred and ninety-nine times out of a million, you would be correct. But in the pages of history, every once in a while, fate reaches out and extends its hand. [There is no response from anyone, until Hans stretches his arms out.] HANS: What shall the history books read?