Christine Lavin - If I Ruled The World lyrics

if I ruled the world i would think up inventions I'd throw out the rules disregard all convention I'd make the world peaceful sunny and bright so all of us would sleep better at night first thing I'd demand would be a car alarm easy to operate hard to disarm it would be silent on streets and parking lots instead it would only go off in the car owner's bed I'd like a fast-forward bu*ton for those boring times when spending hours with relatives drives you out of your mind you'd simply point it and zap them zip right to the end of their dull observations and their leaving, but then I'd like a slow-motion bu*ton to make good times last and to slow down some boyfriends who just go too fast kisses will be sweeter ma**ages more healing it would come in handy when making gravy keep it from congealing I'd invent something for one of those awkward attacks when you leave a stupid message on voice mail and can't take it back you'd simply click and rewind record a brilliant remark that will impress the callee maybe win his heart I wish I had an alarm on each shoe that would warn me if I was about to step in dog do and perhaps for just a slightly higher sum it would tell you if you were near wet bubblegum A buzzer on my mirror that would warn if my hair was a horrible mess or if I need to use Nair the deluxe model would have an attachment that yells 'that's a fashion mistake your clothes look like hell' A sensor in the ladies room that discreetly knows you have tucked your dress into your pantyhose (this happened to me in a real fancy place you should have seen the look on the maitre'd's face) A detector that tells you what's in the Crackerjack box an extra five minutes on every clock an umbrella with a nice bracelet attached you'll never lose it and it's handy in a subway attack Every country would drive on the right side of the street I'd remove all cholesterol from all of our meat children would volunteer to take naps women would gain the power to understand maps a car horn that blasts its own driver in the face now he'll think twice before disturbing this place a returnable newspaper once it's been read half your money's refunded a self-making bed if I ruled the world i would make these inventions every year we'd think up more at invention conventions we'd make the world peaceful happy and bright and all of us would sleep better at night