Christine Lavin - Artificial Means lyrics

Oh, Johnny and Janie, they were the perfect married couple But not in bed Oh, they tried taking d**, How-To books, even Dr. Ruth But for all intents and purposes their love life was dead 'Til one day Janie went over to the Pink p**ycat Boutique She bought a long cylindrical thing Now Janie is smiling, Johnny is not Every night you can hear him sing He says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means You've grown emotionally attached to that little pink machine Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems 'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means" Oh, Johnny went down to the barroom He bought one drink, he bought two, he bought three Oh, he moaned to the bartender, the state of his married life Bartender said, "Hey Bud, just listen to me" So Johnny went over to the Pink p**ycat Boutique He bought a plastic blow-up doll Now Johnny is smiling, Janie is not She is angry, she is jealous, she's appalled She says, "Our love is bein' kept alive by artificial means You've grown emotionally attached to that poly-ethylene Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems 'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means" Wires (Wires) Switches (Switches) Batteries (Batteries) Plastic (Plastic) Tufts of artificial hair Who'd ever think they could replace the love (Love) Humans used to share? (Humans used to, humans used to) (Humans used to, humans used to) Then one fateful day those batteries died At the same moment that, that big doll sprung a leak Johnny looked at Janie looked at Johnny looked at Janie Oh, they both found it difficult to speak I wish I could say they threw those contraptions away And fell in love all over again But Johnny taped up that hissing woman When Janie stole the batteries from his Sony Walkman Because their love is bein' kept alive by artificial means They've grown emotionally attached to those modern s** machines Their relationship is not as healthy as it seems 'Cause their love is being kept alive, love is being kept alive Love is being kept alive by artificial means