Christian Borle - Poor, Unsuccessful and Fat lyrics

[RICHARD] Poor, unsuccessful and fat Who would've thought I would end like that? Surely, in no time, you'll be back to normal In your evening formal I'll be poor, unsuccessful Poor, unsuccessful and fat And getting older Plus, have you noticed I sweat? I have a list of things I regret Don't tell this story to little children Cause you're gonna scare them How I'm poor, unsuccessful Poor, unsuccessful and fat And getting older, getting greyer Stop me if you've heard this before Cause if you've heard this before Hell, it's just more of the same [GORDON] Well [RICHARD] Help me I'm a player Who'll never make it I won't make, I won't make it [GORDON] No, no, no, no, no, no! [RICHARD] Once I was practically thin Now I can eat like I'm Rin Tin Tin Soon you'll be back home A success in training I'll be here complaining That I'm poor, unsuccessful Poor, unsuccessful and fat And getting older [GORDON] I am not successful I am not so damn successful [RICHARD] I'm getting older [GORDON] I am not successful I am not so damn successful [RICHARD] I'm getting older [MR. BUNGEE] You're not successful [GORDON] I am not successful [MR. BUNGEE] You're too old to be a failure [GORDON] I'm too old to be a failure [MR. BUNGEE] Your future's looking cloudy [GORDON] My future's looking cloudy [MR. BUNGEE] And your sister is a who*e [GORDON] My sister's a receptionist! [MR. BUNGEE] Bet your tush you're unsuccessful Don't mean to make this more stressful Than it's already become But you're poor, unsuccessful and dumb Poor, unsuccessful and dumb And untalented Poor, unsuccessful and dumb And untalented Morbid, psychotically grim and untalented That's what we say about him He's untalented! [GORDON] I'm untalented! [THE MINISTER] Good evening [GORDON] Hello [THE MINISTER] Schwinn, is that German Protestant? [GORDON] Schwinn is German Jewish [THE MINISTER] Ah, well, the Lord is Kind and all-knowing [GORDON] Thank you for coming Thank you for going [THE MINISTER] Goodnight [THE MINISTER] Goodnight