[WEBBY'S AGENT:] Web you got the CD? [WEBBY:] Course I got the f**in' CD man, f**in' big meeting and sh**... we're pretty late though, you think we're gonna be good? [WEBBY'S AGENT:] I think we're gonna be all set man, just pick up your pants a little bit. No talking about Adderal, no talking about banging this guy's wife like keep it real good [WEBBY:] Of course, of course... Oh sh**, is that that f**ing BarsTaLoan dude again? [WEBBY'S AGENT:] Man that guy e-mails me every day... [BarsTaLoan (to bodyguard):] Yo get your hands off me man, stop I got rights! Stop get, off me! [BODYGUARD:] f** your rights, you need to evacuate right now [BarsTaLoan:] I know I scared this bodyguard, man... Oh, oh, you got Chris Webby up in this motherf**in' office? That's who your next appointment is, Chris Webby?! Y'all don't want BarsTaLoan but you're gonna f** with Chris Webby up in this b**h?! [BODYGUARD:] Will you get out of here? [BarsTaLoan:] Get the f** off me man! [BODYGUARD:] What? [BarsTaLoan:] Chris Webby f** you, f** Homegrown, f** all that other bullsh**! Get the f** off me man! f** you Chris Webby [WEBBY:] f** me? f** you! f** you buddy! [BarsTaLoan:] What old a** copy machine is that? BarsTaLoan I got ink jets boy! Like a motherf**in' sauna up in here man, that's what b**hes say when they get in my car n***a. "It's like a motherf**in' sauna up in here damn BarsTaLoan" yeah b**h cause I'm f**in' hot! [BODYGUARD:] C'mon let's go... [BarsTaLoan:] Nah get your f**in' hands off me, yo. It's all conspiracy my n***a, I'm telling you. It's trilluminati or illuminati, something like that, my boy told me look at the You page, no I mean the YouTube page, it was something but... f** you, I know y'all n***as is part of that sh**, I see all these piramids when I'm walkin' in, yo [KENNY:] Get the f** out of here! [BODYGUARD:] Let's go... And don't come f**in' back here! [WEBBY (to secretary):] Hey, how you doin' [SECRETARY:] I'm really sorry about that [WEBBY:] Nah, it's cool... I keep seeing that f**in' guy everywhere [SECRETARY]: He's been in here about four times this week [WEBBY:] Really? Interesting... Anyways, I have a meeting today, with Marty? [SECRETARY:] Chris Webby? [WEBBY:] Yeah, yeah, uh, that would be me [SECRETARY:] He's down the hall, first door on the left [WEBBY:] Oh I see it, uh thank you, thank you, appreciate that [MARTY:] Lisa, where are my fax messages? I asked for those ten minutes ago, let's get it together. That' not what the f** I asked for, I asked you to do something, you do it right, otherwise you're fired [WEBBY:] Hey, Marty, Marty? [MARTY:] Oh mister "thirty-minutes-I'm-late" guy, how you doin'? [WEBBY:] Uh I'm, uh... good [MARTY:] Well, know you've got five minutes to impress me, so sell me yourself, you got videos? Can you rap? [WEBBY:] Yeah, I mean, did you like... research? [MARTY:] I don't have time for the internet [WEBBY:] Alright, uh, yo, f**. Kenny, you wanna just beatbox real quick? [KENNY (in robot voice):] Beatbox activating [WEBBY coughs] [MARTY (referring to Kenny):] Is that coming out of his mouth? [Freestyle: Chris Webby] I'm an untrained dog, no collar Had loose screws since I was a toddler Yo don't bother Up in this b**h drinking vodka like water Do you read me? Roger, I am a monster All you young buck white kids put the mic down, I am your father Still be drinking like I did when I was up at Hofstra Taking more shots than I did playing Contra Hold up, hold up, hold up, wait Let me take a sip of water, I don't know if I'm straight Lost track of all the LIT's that I drank And I'm feeling like I just might faint But I lace my sneakers, eat a piece of pizza And throw another bottle right up on the Visa Bangin' out those speakers Going hard in the paint like I f**ed Mona Lisa Where the chronic B? My short term memory is chronically f**ed up, cause I burn down constantly How could I shape up? I forgot geometry But they gon' learn CT in geography Cause I got the whole damn world watching me It's hard to even keep up with it honestly Let's gettin' it muthaf**in' poppin' B We're losing brain cells I don't think I'm leaving this Motherf**er, 'til somebody takes away my keys and sh** I haven't been trained well, I'm so disobedient Got that verbal dope, so just holla if you need a fix Drop a freestyle, daily fire Lighting up a bong up that'll take me higher Crazy rhymer, that's known to cross the line like a stereotypical Asian driver Web so sick that I make 'em nauseous Go balls out, never play it cautious Went from a dorm room to rapping to muthaf**ers wearing suits in a label office I'm a beast on the mic with a beatbox flow Anybody steppin' after he rocks, no He got flow, I'm an animal, follow my name with an e-i, e-i, e-i-o Seat ride low when I'm cruising in With a cup full of brown like Julian With a trailer park boy and some hooligans Got bars, yeah kid I got a few of them It's C Web [MARTY:] Mc Donald's, Coca Cola, Chris Webby, in lights... Billboard, Times Square, you'll be holding babies on ad commercials [WEBBY:] That's cool. Babies, why babies? I don't understand this [MARTY:] You know what, you wanna make money? [WEBBY:] I mean... [MARTY:] A million dollars [WEBBY:] That's cool, I... don't know... [MARTY:] Five albums, eight years WEBBY, WEBBY'S AGENT, [KENNY:] What? Five albums, damn! Nah nah... [WEBBY:] I... [MARTY:] So no deal? [WEBBY'S AGENT:] Yeah, we're not gonna... [WEBBY:] I... I mean, I'm just not so sure... [MARTY:] Get out of my office. Leave the pen here too [WEBBY:] Damn, alright... [MARTY (from the distance): ]Lisa, next meeting! And bring me a coffee and my f**ing granola bar!