Chino Xl - Hush lyrics

[Verse 1: Chino XL] Got the number of a psychologist to help me with my anxiety (And you didn't call for eight months) Because that gave me anxiety And its a sick cyclic arsenic demented cell retententive downward spiral feeling in my spinal as I go through life without natural God given sk**s for emotional survival And it's ill and trifle resign and Stifle my own growth from an eternal perspective writing a journal of a psycho that's indicative with feelings of loneliness that are ice cold My mind doesnt play a nice role and my thoughts are that of murdering my esthro Dark and dismal she bought numb to the beast a little peace that's probably why I cease to ever want to let her go Umm, where did this all start? I had a homie that used to date her She kept him calm and sedated he was rarely agitated And that's definitely what I needed My life was wrecked and defeated Completely in madness and damaged I was trying to put back my pieces He introduced me to her the first time I was stuck She made me think more highly of myself than anyone I had ever met My friends that she wasn't loyal There would never be jealousness She was livin' like Hendrix did right next to Anthony Cleatus under the bridge She became my muse quick I secretely took her on tour She had me covering up them high marks that students aren't rewarded for She also funded what I sniffed That made her my linebacker One of her nicknames was smack, but I would never smack her Then you gotta factor in the fact that I was at the point of suicide dead as a corpse spry that corresponds signs From a childhood mind that was never designed to move beyond success of any kind Your abandonment issues are running wild I'm holding onto her like a lifeline Hard, she's like a narcotic Take the silver spoons you were born with Heat up the liquid handcuffs inject it in my arm quick but keep it hush [Chorus: Frida Dee and Ajami] Hush, we do it quietly Feeling free, nobody else here it's just you and me Oh, it happened suddenly You came to me But we got to keep it hush hush [Verse 2: Chino XL] Let's proceed off of the deep end Put her in my veins and I couldn't stop It was always going back four seconds like a hungry clock I gotta keep her hush her reputation is monstrous Make families tear drops like Whitney Houston's did from her nonresponsiveness That's awful Once I tried to leave her and get clean But I got a __ sick fever She convinced you to stay She said I was gullible and true to form you believed her She became the worst thing I mean Phillip Seymour was clean for twenty three years before he relapsed and OD'd in 2013 and this is your queen? We had more high stories than a Dubai skyscraper We were drinking in Amy's Winehouse while I was writing this rhyme in Heath's ledger Really? She started acting overly dramatic She had me staying in the attic in the annex Did you cheat with acid? Nah with a cousin Xanny that I met lost in the rug fabric So tragic My love sent me a letter that was written in blood and dipped in quill She couldn't believe she felt some kind of way I was sleeping with her cousin pills I gave up on 'em I heralded a win when I had a coronary No matter how you pushed that envelope you would have always remained stationary My lady Xanny could put me in a mood to either love or hate you all Non prescription bottles shaking That's our junkie mating call My mind was blown and gone and I preferred to be all alone in a dark zone She really isn't helping you Maybe this is what happened to Nina Simone (Could be) Pure pa**ion when I pulled her out of my stash and for a little while k**ed my depression Grinning like a sintering confession my Medicine when I popped her a couple times but throw her in the bathroom Why you let an addiction to pills linger when marijuana vapor is much safer with less labor Doesn't it amaze in 30 days I was trapped sprung in a Spring maze that doesn't come after April on your calendar [Chorus] [Verse 3: Chino XL] You dumped Xanny after a while Yeah she was vile I reconnected with my ex with a smile the complexion of white powder in tiny little vials Youre sounding out of control again are you sure of what you're doing? Nah but a beverage namesake is packaged in the shape of a perfect woman Hitting her raw, nah more like sniffing her raw (Stay away from her) Yeah sure probably if I bought a fifteen foot straw I coulda shoulda woulda she had no respect for me I left her pure I probably should have cut her You don't want to cut her with her She's more dangerous than a nearsighted knife juggler But I kept f**ing with her I had to have her Without her I only felt anger and hurt She once bragged to me in daft laughter that she had introduced Courtney Love to Curt You'll want to lick her even if you're driving She'll have your mind fighting twice the gravity like a pregnant woman that's skydiving Mosquitoes got buzzed after they sting me I be so drunk and pissy dizzy try to not to fall in vomit She's no mystery Well then who is she really? Addiction f** an addiction literally She's a filthy who*e you got to ignore Have you making them contradicting decisions that'll have you sleeping on the prison floor Now are you totally free from her out of the darkness no longer blind? I hope so of all the things in this life I lost the worst is definitely my mind If you see her give her the message I think about her but I just can't be around her right now Hope she's not bitter that I'm doing better not depending on the gatos I gotta be sober for an aboveground [Chorus]