Casey Watson - Crying For Help lyrics

Chapter 1 Sometimes, I think it pays to trust your instincts. My own, like many women's, are sound in most respects, particularly that little voice that you hear from time to time which tells you something's not quite right; something isn't as it seems. You know, that hairs-on-the-back-of-the-neck prickle you sometimes get? I had that, right away, when John Fulshaw got in touch. It was early January, and one of those really gloomy days, freezing cold, when, even though it was already two in the afternoon, it felt as if it had never really got light. I'd been standing by the window, looking out into the street, and thinking how dreary everybody looked as they plodded by. All dressed in black or grey or brown, hunched over, looking at the ground, collars up, shielding their necks and hands and faces from the bitter winter cold. I loved December, but I really hated January. ‘What's up, Mum?' said my grown-up son, Kieron, who was with me, along with the family dog, Bob, and helping to take down the last of the Christmas decorations. I say ‘said' but he actually had to raise his voice a bit, due to the music channel he and his sister insisted on having blaring out on the TV. ‘Oh, don't set her off again,' chipped in Riley, my daughter. She was 22 to Kieron's 20, and had come over to help too. She paused to shake her head and to roll her eyes at the sight of my long face. ‘It can't be Christmas every day, Mum,' she said, pulling a face at me. ‘Despite what the song says, okay?' I pulled a face back but they were both probably right. I needed reminding of that, often. I loved everything glittery and sparkly, always have, and hated the rest of the winter's dark days and dull colours. And this January already seemed particularly colourless. Not only Christmas had gone, but Justin had too, the 12-year-old boy who'd we'd fostered for the whole of the last year and whose leaving had left such a big hole in our lives. Sure, he still came to see us, and promised he'd keep doing so, but it wasn't the same. How could it be? For all the challenges he'd brought with him – and there had definitely been challenges – I really missed having him around. What I needed right now was a new challenge. Something to shake me out of my post-festive blues and get me all fired up once again. And when the phone rang, it seemed John was going to supply one. John was our link worker at the specialist fostering agency we worked for. He'd also trained both me and my husband, Mike, for the job. It had been John who'd placed Justin with us, and once Justin had left us, just a couple of weeks before Christmas, it was John who had warned us that we'd both better recharge our batteries, because there would soon be another child who needed our help. The recharging that had taken place, in true Watson style, had naturally involved plenty of parties and fairy lights, and, this year, since Riley and her partner, David, had blessed us in the autumn with our very first grandson, Levi, even more exuberance and cuddly toys than usual. Perhaps it was just the contrast, I mused as I went to pick up the receiver, that was making January seem so drab and dull. It wasn't John on the phone, though; it was Mike, calling from work. John had phoned him there because he hadn't been able to get an answer from me. ‘The kids and their racket, I expect,' I explained. ‘They're both helping me get the decorations down and part of the deal seems to be MTV on full blast.' I pulled the living-room door closed to shut out the noise, so I could hear. ‘So what's the news?' ‘He's got a child he wants to talk to us about. But I couldn't talk, of course, because I'm working.' I smiled to myself. Mike was such a stickler for doing things by the book. He worked as a warehouse manager and he had his own office, but he'd never dream of taking time out for a personal call. ‘How exciting! What did he say? Did he tell you anything else?' Suddenly my doldrums were gone the way of the Christmas tinsel. ‘Did he tell you anything about him? Or her?' ‘Her,' said Mike. ‘It's a girl, by all accounts. But that's all I really know, because, like I said, love –' ‘Don't worry,' I interrupted. ‘You get back to work. I'll call him. A girl! How exciting!' I could still hear Mike chuckling to himself as I put down the phone. I was on the phone to John only minutes later, pausing only to have a sneaky cigarette in my conservatory (I was obviously banned from the rest of the house, particularly now we had our little grandson around). Suddenly the garden looked very different to how it had. I forgot about the cold and instead mused on how pretty the apple tree looked, covered in white frosting. I finished the ciggie – I really must give up soon, I told myself – and went back inside to fish out John's number. He sounded very pleased to have heard from me. ‘Yes, it's a girl,' he confirmed, ‘and a real girlie girl too, so I thought she'd be right up your street.' ‘She sounds good already,' I said. ‘So. What's the situation? What's her background and what sort of problems does she have?' I was hoping for something quite detailed about her, as Justin, our last child, had come with very little known background, and we'd learned the hard way about how being forewarned is forearmed. With him we'd been anything but. However, John was quick to fill me in and rea**ure me. ‘That's the thing, actually,' he said. ‘You're not going to have to follow the programme with this one. It's only short term.' That seemed odd. Our kind of fostering was all about behaviour modification, to help re-integrate kids back into the mainstream, so we'd been trained to use a specific, points-based programme with the kids we cared for. ‘Oh,' I said. ‘How come?' ‘Because she's already been placed long term with a mainstream foster carer.' ‘Oh, I see. But?' ‘But she – the carer, that is – has had some sort of mental breakdown, and needs to take extended sick leave for a few weeks.' ‘Oh, dear,' I said. ‘Was it related?' ‘No, no,' he said quickly. ‘Not that I'm aware of. She wants the child – her name's Sophia, by the way – to return to her when she's better.' ‘So she's fine, then –' ‘Apparently, though I'm told she does have medical problems of her own. But I can't tell you what they are because I don't know myself. I did meet Sophia but I was told not to bring up anything medical – not in front of her, anyway, which meant I couldn't get any proper facts. But I'll find out more tomorrow and get back to you, okay? Perhaps I could come round and meet with you and Mike on Friday.' It was around then that I had that n**ling sixth sense kick in. Just the feeling that there might be something John was holding back. I tried to dismiss it, because there was really nothing I could put my finger on. But it was there. And for very good reasons. ‘Another kid already?' Kieron said as I went back into the living room to tell them, by now with Levi, who'd woken up, in my arms. Riley cooed and took him from me, talking baby talk at him. ‘Isn't it a bit quick?' Kieron added. ‘You know, after Justin?' It's easy to forget, when your children are grown up, that the things you do still have an impact on them. I'd been pretty low since Justin had gone, I knew, and I was touched to see the looks of concern on their faces. They glanced at one another now. ‘Kieron's got a point,' Riley said. ‘Are you sure you're ready?' ‘Definitely,' I said, meaning it. ‘I'm kicking my heels here, aren't I?' Which was true. Before Mike and I had switched to fostering, I'd been running a unit for troubled children in a big comprehensive school. It wasn't normal for me to have nothing to do but rattle round my house, even with my new grandmotherly duties. Then I paused. Perhaps I wasn't seeing things clearly. ‘But how about you two? If you're not up for it, I could always ask to put it off.' ‘Don't be daft, Mum,' said Kieron, obviously rea**ured by my determined manner. ‘Be good to have another kid in. And if it's a girl, that's even better. I won't have to fight for my games console and footie games this time.' ‘And we'll be able to do lots of girl stuff together,' agreed Riley. ‘Baby stuff, clothes shopping, make-up and hair … how old is she?' ‘Twelve,' I said. ‘And funny you should say that. John Fulshaw remarked that she was a very girlie girl.' ‘So she's going to love Justin's bedroom, then,' Kieron said, laughing. ‘Isn't it going a bit over the top to decorate the whole room again?' Mike wanted to know, once he was home from work and we were headed down to the chippy. I'd been planning on cooking, but what with getting the house sorted out, plus all the excitement of knowing we were getting a new foster child, I'd been too excited. Plus I fancied fish and chips. ‘Oh, it won't be that much work,' I rea**ured him. ‘And Riley'll help me, I'm sure.' ‘Would have been no work at all if you hadn't gone so overboard doing it up in the first place,' he chided. That was Mike all over. He was so much more sensible and down to earth than me. A proper thinker. We'd been married fifteen years and I'd lost count of the times when he'd sat me down and said, ‘Now let's just think this through …' And he was right. I had gone a bit overboard for Justin, taking my football theme to perhaps rather excessive levels, with green carpet, football borders and wallpaper, a football clock – I'd even painted footballs on the bookcase and dresser. ‘I'm sure she will,' Mike agreed, ‘but look, love, are you definitely sure you're ready? 'Him too now! Had I really been acting like a nut job just lately? Because he was looking at me in the same way as the kids had. Yes, I'd been down, but how could I not have been? Losing Justin had really saddened me, but we had been warned to expect that. It was a grieving process I had to go through, no more, no less. Not surprising when you have such an intense relationship with a child. But I was over it and keen to move on now. Justin would always be a part of our lives, but day to day I needed that new challenge. ‘I am ready!' I said to Mike. ‘And I am going to start re-decorating right away. And just you make sure you book that time off on Friday, okay? Honestly, love, I am more than bloody ready.' Which was just as well, because it looked like we needed to be. ‘It's a sad story,' John told us on the Friday morning. He'd arrived on the dot of eleven, as he'd promised, and come armed with a folder full of papers. I thought back to when he'd visited to tell us about our first placement, and how madly I'd rushed around the house, tidying and polishing. So much water had pa**ed under the bridge since that time. John was very much like a friend now. So no big cleaning-fest; just three big mugs of coffee, as we gathered around the kitchen table to discuss the facts. ‘Sophia only came into care about a year and a half ago,' he went on. ‘Prior to that she lived with her mother – no siblings – who had been bringing her up alone. One-night stand, far as I know. Certainly no father in the picture. And then a tragedy: the mother – name of Grace Johnson – had mental health problems, by all accounts, and had a near-fatal fall down the stairs when Sophia was 11, which was thought to have been a suicide attempt.' ‘Suicide?' Mike asked. ‘That sounds grim.' John nodded. ‘There was a difficult family situation, apparently. Compounded by Sophia's illness. But I'll tell you more about that in a mo.' He consulted his notes, obviously scanning them for the important bits. ‘Ah, here we are,' he said. ‘The mother went into a coma – didn't die – from which she has never recovered. She's been cla**ed as being in a persistent vegetative state, from which they don't expect her to recover. Very sad.' We both nodded. ‘So then it seems,' he went on, ‘that Sophia went to stay with an uncle and his family – they formally fostered her – but after a year, when the uncle's wife fell pregnant, apparently, they decided they could no longer keep her. Even sadder. So at that point a different fostering team were approached, and that's when she was placed with her current carer, Jean. But, as you know, Jean's not well now, so that's where we're at.' He sat back. ‘God,' I said, ‘the things some kids have to go through. And of course we want to help Sophia, don't we, love?' I turned to Mike. He nodded. ‘Absolutely. But tell me, John. You mentioned something about an illness. What's wrong with her?' John sat forward again. ‘That's what we need to discuss. Have the two of you ever heard of a condition called Addison's disease?' We shook our heads. ‘No,' I said. ‘Never.' ‘I doubted you would have. Neither had I, until now. It's rare, apparently – a disorder which destroys the adrenal glands. And it's even more rare for it to be diagnosed in someone so young. But it's controlled – she has to take tablets every day, which replace the hormones she'd be producing naturally – cortisol and, let me see, yes – something called aldosterone, so, in that sense, it won't present you with too much of a problem. Apparently, it only becomes one if she gets stressed or feels under pressure …' ‘Which she might well do at the moment, mightn't she?' asked Mike. John nodded. ‘Fair point. But I'm not really the one to tell you how it might become a problem. Apparently, social services are going to arrange for you both to have a quick tutorial with her doctor and her specialist nurse.' ‘Okay,' I said. ‘That sounds sensible. Better to know what we're doing than not. But how is she generally? Sounds like she's been to hell and back, from what you say.' ‘I don't know, to be truthful,' John answered. ‘There really isn't a great deal more on her file.' Where have I heard that line before, I thought ruefully. It had become almost a catch phrase when we'd taken on Justin. John caught my expression and looked apologetic. ‘I'm sorry,' he said. ‘It's just that she hasn't been in care that long, and when they are fostered with other family members, they never seem to be as strict with the record keeping. I'll see what else I can find, obviously, but, in the meantime, how are you placed for taking her next Wednesday?' ‘That's quick,' said Mike. ‘How will we manage to fit in an initial visit? I'm sure neither she nor we would want to commit until we've met each other.' ‘I know,' John said, the hope in his face clear as day. ‘But I was hoping we could do that on Monday. Jean goes into hospital on Wednesday, you see, for tests, so it would get complicated if …' ‘Fine,' I said. ‘Monday is fine. The poor thing. But one thing, John.' He nodded. ‘Yes?' ‘Why us? Why me and Mike? It sounds to me that this is a pretty mainstream and also very short-term placement. Why have you picked us and not a general foster carer? Is it the illness?' He shook his head. ‘Well, okay, partly,' he agreed. ‘But mainly because her behaviour apparently can be a little challenging. Nothing major – and you'll know from experience that I don't use the word lightly. She's just a little undisciplined, it seems. And the feeling is – and this is strictly between you and me, okay? – that there's been a general lack of discipline in her life since she's been with Jean, and what with the complication of the Addison's – well, you can see how easily a child with that sort of issue can become manipulative if allowed to.' ‘I get it,' I said. ‘She needs some boundaries, then?' ‘I think that's about the size of it. So it's right up your street. No points, as I say, as this really is just temporary, but just do what the two of you do so well. And don't let your heads swell, because I shouldn't tell you this, but it was my boss who suggested we place her with you. He said, “If anyone can turn her around, the Watson family can. After all, look how well they did with Justin.”' ‘That's nice,' said Mike, though I could tell by his voice that he knew he was being sweet-talked. ‘And just as well I cracked on and got the room ready, then,' I added. ‘Why don't you take John up to see it, love, while I put the kettle on again.' My head was whirring while they went up to admire my creative efforts. The poor child. How tragic. To lose her mum – to lose all she had in the world – and to have to cope with what sounded like such a debilitating condition on her own. I wondered if she ever got to see her mother in hospital at all, and when John and Mike came back downstairs I asked. ‘Yes, she does,' John said. ‘Every six weeks or so, for an hour. Not that she gets anything out of it. She apparently gets really upset after each visit, which is why she doesn't go there more often.' ‘Poor kid,' I said. ‘It must be awful.' ‘The world we live in, I'm afraid, Casey,' he said. ‘Hey, but a great job on the bedroom. Fit for a princess! Oh, and be prepared, because it'll seem like she really is a little princess. She has quite an entourage, this one, in terms of a team. So you'll need plenty of cups at the ready …' When John had gone, Mike and I retreated to the living room, where we sat and talked about what was to come. A pointless exercise really, though one which we'd go on to repeat many times. You could never second-guess the future, particularly in our line of work. ‘See, though,' I said. ‘It was worth me getting all that decorating done, wasn't it? I'm like a walking girl guide motto. Be prepared!' I said it in jest, but little did I know. Those prickles of mine didn't happen for nothing. Because nothing could have prepared us for Sophia.