Carole Eastman - Five Easy Pieces - Angry "Diner" Speech Tirade lyrics

[Dupea]: I'd like a plain omelette. No potatoes. Tomatoes instead. A cup of coffee, and wheat toast. [Waitress]: (She pointed to the menu) No substitutions. [Dupea]: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes? [Waitress]: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls. [Dupea]: Yeah, I know what it comes with. But it's not what I want. [Waitress]: Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind. [Dupea]: Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette. No potatoes on the plate. A cup of coffee, and a side order of wheat toast. [Waitress]: I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast. I'll give you an English muffin or a coffee roll. [Dupea]: What do you mean, you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you? [Waitress]: Would you like to talk to the manager? [Dupea]: ...You've got bread and a toaster of some kind? [Waitress]: I don't make the rules. [Dupea]: OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast. No mayonnaise, no bu*ter, no lettuce, and a cup of coffee. [Waitress]: A number two. A chicken sal san. Hold the bu*ter, the lettuce and the mayonnaise. And a cup of coffee. Anything else? [Dupea]: Yeah. Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules. [Waitress]: (spitefully with her arms on her hips) You want me to hold the chicken, huh? [Dupea]: I want you to hold it between your knees. [Waitress]: (turning and telling him to look at the sign that said, "Right to Refuse Service") Do you see that sign, sir? Yes, you all have to leave. I'm not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm. [Dupea]: You see this sign? With one gesture with his right arm, he swept all the water gla**es, place-mats, cutlery and menus off the table.