{VERSE 1} I’m not a man of belief But I believe this If there wasn’t a God We wouldn’t be sh*t Nowadays, it’s nothin but Atheists and Hedonists Everybody’s Godless, thinkin We ain’t even need Him People claimin’ they Christians But they ain’t meanin’ it They got the bible on a shelf But they ain’t readin’ it I asked a dude last week if he Knew who Saint Peter is—he said Peter Griffin from Family Guy? (Is) dat who you mean, kid? It seems this kinda sh*t is Lost on this generation We need to think of new ways To make ‘еm pay attention It’ll take creativе strength And some innovation, or Maybe the invention we need Is already in existence What the frick are All the cool kids doin? Besides pullin they dick To pornographic movies Wait, hold up, okay This might sound stupid (but) Bare with me for second Cuz I might have a solution {HOOK} X2 What if God had an Onlyfans? And you and I were his only fans? What if that was his only plan? Would you subscribe to his Onlyfans? {VERSE 2} What kinda content do ya Think God would post Would he do Boy/Girl (or) Would he just roll solo? And if he did Boy/Girl, would He be the Boy or the Girl Some seem to think he’s a boy’n Some seem to think she’s a girl And some seem to think That God is gender neutral Personally, I don’t think Such discourse is useful For me, I’ve always seen God as a metaphysical sorta Concept used to describe an Abstract force that’s Spiritual Truly picturing that with An Onlyfans is an odd thing Do ya think God would post Any Scooby Doo cosplay? Or would he be just another One of those fu*kin’ c*nts Who don’t even post nudes’n still Want like twenty five dollas a month Man, if that’s the case, then I ain’t goddamn subscribin’ I’d rather jack off to Donald Trump and Joe Biden (damn) It’d be nice if those fellas Ever made a joint one, or maybe If God ever had em as guests On his for a threesome {HOOK} X2 What if God had an Onlyfans? And you and I were his only fans? What if that was his only plan? Would you subscribe to his Onlyfans? {VERSE 3} Lord please Give me A free, sub-scrip-tion For the first month I swear I’ll give My soul, to Christ right When the sun’s up I know I’ve been fu*kin’ up I know I’m doin too many drugs I been hangin’ round too many thugs And I haven’t shown you any love But you know I would subscribe To ya muthafu*kin Onlyfans If ya ever made an Onlyfans Lord, please make an Onlyfans God, please make an Onlyfans We really need an Onlyfans And maybe also a TikTok (but) God, at least make an Onlyfans {HOOK} X2 What if God had an Onlyfans? And you and I were his only fans? What if that was his only plan? Would you subscribe to his Onlyfans?