Ca**ie_w - Experiment 1- exercise 1 lyrics
As I'm sitting here trying to think of a time that I told a meaningful lie, or at least a meaningful lie in my eyes, I am realizing that over my lifetime I have told several white lies. Most of them have to do with telling friends or family that I like their outfit when I honestly think its hideous; or lying about my grades so my parents stay off my case for a little while longer. One white lie that stands out to me the most though is one I told my friends and family my freshman year of college. “I'm fine. I love this place. I feel so at home. All of my new friends are the people I've been waiting to meet my entire life. This is where I belong,” I told myself. Except it was all a lie. I attended the University of Kansas the first semester of my freshman year. I was always that stereotypical girl that wanted- no needed to get out of small town South Dakota. I have bigger dreams than this town can handle, I have a different mindset than conservative, small town South Dakotans. I remember how nervous I was the morning we left for Lawrence, Kansas. It wasn't a bad nervous though, this is what I have been waiting for forever. Freedom; my escape route from my crazy, broken family and the small town of Sioux Falls where everyone knew me and all of my mistakes. My parents kept telling me how proud they were of me. “This is going to be the best decision of your life. Getting away from high school drama and moving on with a fresh start in an exciting and new environment,” my mother rambled. What I wasn't ready for, even through all of the excitement, was how I was feeling after watching their car drive away. Don't get me wrong, the excitement and shininess of my new campus, dorm room and freedom didn't wear off right away. The first couple of weeks were a breeze. Going to cla** was awesome because it wasn't all day long like in high school and the teachers seemed laid back and friendly. When my friends started school at the University of South Dakota two weeks after I started, the homesickness started. I wasn't expecting to feel as left out and jealous as I did. Most of my friends from high school went to USD, and I was one of the few that ventured off on my own. I tried to keep a positive mind and remind myself that this is what I wanted. I would report back to everyone in South Dakota that I loved Kansas and that I've never been so happy. In reality, it was the polar opposite. Cla**es were harder than they were in high school, I hated my roommates, and the cool new friends that I had made all seemed to find their own niche without me. It just wasn't clicking, but I lied and lied for months. I lied because I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I lied because I didn't want my friends to know that college for me wasn't filled with parties and new friends like it was for them, and I lied for myself. I didn't want to let myself down either. The dream I had of moving away and thriving in a new place was shattered, and that broke my heart.