I saw it advertised one day Bear mountain picnic was comin' my way "Come along 'n' take a trip We'll bring you up there on a ship Bring the wife and kids Bring the whole family" Yippee Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket To this bear mountain picnic But little did I realize I was in for a picnic surprise Had nothin' to do with mountains I didn't even come close to a bear Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier Six thousand people there Everybody had ticket for the trip "Oh well," I said, "it's a pretty big ship Besides, anyway, the more the merrier" Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think That big old boat started t' sink More people kept a-pilin' on That old ship was a-slowly goin' down Funny way t' start a picnic Well, I soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife So many people there I never saw in m' life That old ship sinkin' down in the water Six thousand people tryin' t' k** each other Dogs a-barkin', cats a-meowin' Women screamin', fists a-flyin', babies cryin' Cops a-comin', me a-runnin' Maybe we just better call off the picnic I got shoved down 'n' pushed around All I could hear there was a screamin' sound Don't remember one thing more Just remember walkin' up on a little shore Head busted, stomach cracked Feet splintered, I was bald, naked Quite lucky to be alive though Feelin' like I climbed outta m' casket I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home Wishin' I'd never got up that morn Now, I don't care just what you do If you wanna have a picnic, that's up t' you But don't tell me about it, I don't wanna hear it 'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit Stay in m' kitchen, have m' own picnic In the bathroom Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny What some people are gonna do for money There's a bran' new gimmick every day Just t' take somebody's money away I think we oughta take some o' these people And put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to bear mountain For a picnic