Bert Kalmar - Laws of the Administration lyrics

[MRS. TEASDALE] For our information Just for our illustration Tell us how you intend to run the nation [FIREFLY] These are the laws of my administration: No one's allowed to smoke Or tell a dirty joke And whistling is forbidden [GUESTS] We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke Hail, hail Freedonia [FIREFLY] If chewing gum is chewed The chewer is pursued And in the hoosegow hidden [GUESTS] If we choose to chew we'll be pursued [FIREFLY] If any form of pleasure is exhibited Report to me, and it will be prohibited I'll put my foot down, so shall it be This is the land of the free The last man nearly ruined this place He didn't know what to do with it If you think this country's bad off now Just wait till I get through with it The country's taxes must be fixed And I know what to do with it If you think you're paying too much now Just wait till I get through with it (instrumental break) I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair I'm simply on the up and up, so everyone beware If anyone's caught taking graft and I don't get my share We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel Ah! [GUESTS] So everyone beware Who's crooked or unfair If anyone's caught taking graft unless he gets his share [FIREFLY] If any man should come between a husband and his bride We find our which one she prefers by letting her decide If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel Ah! [GUESTS] The husband steps outside Relinquishes his bride They stand him up against the wall and take him for a ride