Ben Jonson - The Case is Altered Act 2. Scene 7 lyrics

Enter Onion, Juniper, Valentine, Sebastian, Balthasar, Martino. Oni. Come on, i'faith, let's to some exer- cise or other, my hearts. Fetch the hilts; fellow Juniper, wilt thou play? [ Exit Martino. Junip. I cannot resolve you; 'tis as I am fitted with the ingenuity, quantity, or qua- lity of the cudgel. Val. How dost thou bastinado the poor cudgel with terms! Junip. O Ingle, I have the phrases, man, and the anagrams, and the epitaphs, fitting the mystery of the noble science. Oni. I'll be hang'd an' he were not misbe- gotten of some fencer. Seb. Sirrah, Valentine, you can resolve me now, have they their masters of defence in other countries, as we have here in Italy? Val. O lord, I; especially they in Utopia: there they perform their prizes and chal- lenges with as great ceremony as the Italian, or any nation else. Balt. Indeed! how is the manner of it, for god's love, good Valentine? Junip. Ingle, I prithee make recourse unto us; we are thy friends and familiars, sweet Ingle. Val. Why thus, sir. Oni. God a mercy, good Valentine; nay, go on. Junip. Silentium bonus socius Onionus, good fellow Onion, be not so ingenious and turbulent. So, sir; and how? how, sweet Ingle? Val. Marry, first they are brought to the public theatre. Junip. What! ha' they theatres there? Val. Theatres! I, and plays too, both tragedy and comedy, and set forth with as much state as can be imagined. Junip. By god's so, a man is nobody till he has travell'd. Seb. And how are their plays? as ours are? extemporal? Val. O no; all premeditated things, and some of them very good, i' faith; my master used to visit them often when he was there. Balt. Why how, are they in a place where any man may see them? Val. I, in the common theatres, I tell you. But the sport is at a new play, to ob- serve the sway and variety of opinion that pa**eth it. A man shall have such a con- fus'd mixture of judgment, pour'd out in the throng there, as ridiculous as laughter itself. One says he likes not the writing, another likes not the plot, another not the playing: and sometimes a fellow, that comes not there past once in five years, at a parliament time, or so, will be as deep mired in censuring as the best, and swear by god's foot he would never stir his foot to see a hundred such as that is. Oni. I must travel to see these things, I shall never think well of myself else. Junip. Fellow Onion, I'll bear thy charges, and thou wilt but pilgrimize it along with me to the land of Utopia. Seb. Why but methinks such rooks as these should be ashamed to judge. Val. Not a whit; the rankest stinkard of them all will take upon him as peremptory, as if he had writ himself in artibus magister. Seb. And do they stand to a popular cen- sure for any thing they present? Val. I, ever, ever; and the people gene- rally are very acceptive, and apt to applaud any meritable work; but there are two sorts of persons that most commonly are infectious to a whole auditory. Balt. What be they? Junip. I, come, let's know them. Oni. It were good they were noted. Val. Marry, one is the rude barbarous crew, a people that have no brains, and yet grounded judgments; these will hiss any thing that mounts above their grounded ca- pacities; but the other are worth the obser- vation, i' faith. Omnes. Where be they? where be they? Val. Faith, a few capricious gallants. Junip. Capricious! stay, that word's for me. Val. And they have taken such a habit of dislike in all things, that they will approve nothing, be it never so conceited or elabo- rate; but sit dispersed, making faces and spitting, wagging their upright ears, and cry, filthy, filthy; simply uttering their own con- dition, and 2 using their wryed countenances instead of a vice, to turn the good aspects of all that shall sit near them, from what they behold. Enter Martino with cudgels. Oni. O that's well said; lay them down; come, sirs, Who plays, fellow Juniper, Sebastian, Balthasar? Somebody take them up, come. Junip. Ingle, Valentine? Val. Not I, sir, I profess it not. Junip. Sebastian. Seb. Balthasar. Balt. Who? I? Oni. Come, but one bout; I'll give 'em thee, i' faith. Balt. Why here's Martino. Oni. Foh, he! alas! he cannot play a whit, man. Junip. That's all one; no more could you in statu quo prius. Martino, play with him; every man has his beginning and conduction. Mart. Will you not hurt me, fellow Onion? Oni. Hurt thee? no; and I do, put me among pot-herbs, And chop me to pieces. Come on. Junip. By your favour, sweet bullies, give them room, back, so. Martino, do not look so thin upon the matter. Oni. Ha! well play'd, fall over to my leg now: so, to your guard again: excel- lent! to my head now: make home your blow: spare not me, make it home, good, good again. Seb. Why how now, Peter! Val. Godso, Onion has caught a bruise. Junip. Couragio! be not capricious; what! Oni. Capricious! not I, I scorn to be ca- pricious for a scratch, Martino must have another bout; come. Val. Seb. Balt. No, no, play no more, play no more. Oni. Foh, 'tis nothing, a fillip, a devise; fellow Juniper, prithee get me a plantan; I had rather play with one that had sk** by half. Mart. By my troth, fellow Onion, 'twas against my will. Oni. Nay, that's not so, 'twas against my head; But come, we'll ha' one bout more. Junip. Not a bout, not a stroke. Omnes. No more, no more. Junip. Why I'll give you demonstration how it came, Thou openedst thy dagger to falsify over with the backsword trick, and he interrupt- ed before he could fall to the close. Oni. No, no, I know best how it was, better than any man here. I felt his play presently; for look you, I gathered upon him thus, thus, do you see? for the double lock, and took it single on the head. Val. He says very true, he took it single on the head. Seb. Come, let's go. Enter Martino with a cobweb. Mart. Here, fellow Onion, here's a cob- web. 2 Using their wryed countenances instead of a vice.] We have this sentiment again, expressed in the same words, in the induction to Every man out of his humour: "Using his wryed looks, "In nature of a vice, to wrest and turn "The good aspect of those that shall sit near him." And this shews The case is altered to have been in the number of Jonson's earliest productions; for we often find him repeating a thought or expression in his later plays, which he had before made use of, in some former piece. Oni. How! a cobweb, Martino! I will have another bout with you. 'Swounds, do you first break my head, and then give me a plaster in scorn? Come, to it, I will have a bout. Mart. God's my witness. Oni. Tut, your witness cannot serve. Junip. 'Sblood, why what! thou art not lunatic, art thou? and thou be'st, avoid, Mephostophilus. Say the sign should be in Aries now, as it may be for all us, where were your life? answer me that? Seb. He says well, Onion. Val. Indeed does he. Junip. Come, come, you are a foolish na- turalist; go, get a white of an egg, and a little flax, and close the breach of the head, it is the most conducible thing that can be. Martino, do not insinuate upon your good fortune, but play an honest part, and bear away the bucklers. [ Exeunt.