Ben Folds Five - Bizarre Christmas Incident lyrics

Ho ho ho! Play it Grandpa (Yeah, play it!) Let's tell them a little story About what happened this Christmas (Yeah, tell them!) Christmas Eve I didn't get much sleep I kept hearing things Heavy breathing from the chimney... Who could it be? (I'll tell you what it was...) (What happened then, Ben?) (Yeah, what happened?) Well, I went back to sleep... (You went back to sleep?!) (sh**!) Tired man, went back to sleep And in the morning I couldn't believe my eyes A whale of a corpse with a long, white beard Was dangling over the fire (ha ha ha!) Oh, Santa, he's a big, fat f*ck Went down the chimney, got his fat a** stuck Oh, honey call the lawyers fast 'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my a** Hey, hey, hey! (hey!) Okay Grandpa, step up Sing in this thing right here Tell them what you saw Tell them what you saw, Grandpa! I gotta tell you folks He wasn't wearing no clothes (No clothes?!) He must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco From his back, down to his toes While I was talking to the cops outside The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs They hauled him away in a double-wide What a sad, sad way to die Santa, he's a big, fat f*ck Went down the chimney, got his fat a** Oh, honey call the lawyers fast Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our a**