Barry Bostwick - Once Upon the Natchez Trace lyrics

Oh what a man, now this is true: He had two faces, so help me God would I lie to you? One face could scare a person dead, The other face was so well bred, Two faces sittin' up there on the same man's head. Oh I never would stand here and lie in your face, That's exactly how it happened, Once upon the Natchez Trace. Now you see Jamie Lockhart had a bad face, then he had a good face: The good face was like a preacher's prayer, Completely honest, so help me God would I lie to you? And the other face was stained with the juices of the wild blackberries out in the woods: That face was dark and full of crime, Looks like he'd steal your bottom dime, And both could talk to a man at the same damn time. I never would stand here and lie in your face That's exactly how it happened Once upon the Natchez Trace. Now what about my great-great-grandmother Rosamund? They say she could change the temperature of the moon! Oh what a girl now this is true: She made the moon hot, so help me God would we lie to you? One night she's sleepin' in the raw, The moon looked down, and dropped his jaw, He roasted hot as the sun from the sight he saw. We never would stand here and lie in your face, That's exactly how it happened, Once upon the Natchez Trace We never would stand here and lie in your face, That's exactly how it happened, Once upon the Natchez Trace Well talkin' about looks reminds me of the woman they called Salome! Yes, tell us about Salome! Well the story goes that one glance from Salome and every bullfrog in the city dropped dead of heart failure. She was ugly! She was a scrawny greedy woman, Oh, what a scrawny greedy woman! She had buzzard eyes, Crocodile jaws, She had rabbit long arms and her fingers were turkey foot claws, And she lusted after every pair of pants on the Natchez Trace. Hey hey, how about her husband old Clement Musgroves? He was the most fortunate planter in the whole Mississippi Territory! He was a rich and lucky planter, Oh, what a rich and lucky planter! He took one little seed, and he stuck it in the ground and From that little seed I swear there was cotton all around. And all them cotton plants were a hundred and ten feet high: Would I lie? Would he lie?? Hey tell us about the famous goat of Rodney! Well, he wasn't really a goat, he was a boy. Yeah but they say his brain was the size of a scuppernong seed! Goat was his name, now this is true: His head was empty, from ear to ear you could see right through! Talkin' about heads reminds me of Little Harp. I know what you mean, he was the most gruesome robber in the whole history of the Natchez Trace! That's true. I thought you gon tell us about a head? Let him finish: He was a mangey lookin' skunk, When he went by, the flowers shrunk, The willows wept at how he stunk, He carried everywhere he went his brother's cut off head in a trunk! We never would stand here and lie in your face, That's exactly how it happened, Once upon the Natchez Trace We never would stand here and lie in your face, That's exactly how it happened: A gent and a robber all in one, A girl who made the moon burn like the sun, A greedy witch, A man that rich, A brain that big, A filthy Pig, A talkin' head, Like I said, a hella of alot happened around here, Once upon the Natchez Trace, Once upon the Natchez Trace!