Baba Brinkman - She's Ovulating lyrics

She's ovulating – if she was a stripper I wouldn't know why but I'd probably wanna tip her She's ovulating – she's dressed so provocative My histocompatibility complex is majorly Intoxicating – girl, I'm so symmetrical But you can't tell if you're on a contraceptive pill Instead of ovulating – I'm not tryin' to conceive with you But right now something makes me wanna be with you You want a job done fast, you want a job done cheap You want a job done well, you gotta pick two out of three 'Cause the price goes up when demand swells So if your contractor has sk**s, he pads his bills And if you don't like it, build the porch your damn self Fast and cheap and headed for the landfill And it might sound ruthless, but what's true for Someone trying' to get their roof fixed, is true for s** And not just human s**, the cost of mating Is a price that evolution sets 'Cause high-value mates are always in demand But there's a bit of an imbalance between a woman and man How come? Because of the outcome Alright, let's make a deal – I'll give you an ounce of spunk And one night of childish fun, and you give me Nine months of your life, and when the child comes It takes a few decades to show the kid how it's done Oh, what, you want help? Um… Yeah, I have a few ounces of spunk left to spread around, hon You know, ninety-nine problems, but this ain't one What? The deal's off? Why? Just 'cause you've got Fifty other guys tryin' to undercut the price? Just because you're contributing hundreds of times More resources to this otherwise equally shared enterprise? Okay, fine, what's your counter-offer then? You want me to promise never to sleep with another woman again As long as I live? And if I did? Oh, what, you'd probably forgive As long as I didn't fall in love with her And have a bunch of other kids – oh, what, there's more? You also want me to invest every possible resource In you and the kids, and pay for education and team sports And sh**? What do I look like, a f**in' seahorse? Oh, what, you'll do the same, huh? Well, you kind of have to It's your limitations that I'm trying to adapt to You're not the one with the potential to inseminate The entire planet if only you had the chance to, yeah, thank you Yeah, me and every other guy, right, yeah, I get it Our resources are worthless, because they're practically unlimited Which puts us in a sh** negotiating position Like slave labour in the insemination business She's ovulating – if she was a stripper I wouldn't know why but I'd probably wanna tip her She's ovulating – she's dressed so provocative My histocompatibility complex is majorly Intoxicating – girl, I'm so symmetrical But you can't tell if you're on a contraceptive pill Instead of ovulating – I'm not tryin' to conceive with you But right now something makes me wanna be with you Alright, I have one final card to play before we make deal You know, every ounce of spunk is not created equal Some of it will give you smarter kids, some of it will give you Hardier kids whose immune systems give them longer to live And you have this fertility cycle that gives you subtle clues About who to choose, so this is all just a ruse To convert my mating effort into parental solicitude Oh, what am I gonna do about it? Well, there's nothing I can do But it's true! 'Cause you don't make it simple like a chimp, no! You could have evolved a pink swollen genital symbol Advertising your fertility window, but no! And I know why too! It's to keep a guy limbo You're so deceitful, I don't believe it! It's like you have a biological non-disclosure agreement To maintain your competitive edge and get repetitive s** From the same guy long enough to see your genetic relatives fledged 'Cause if I knew exactly when you were ovulating Well then good luck negotiating any long-term arrangements But you don't even know, that's the impressive bit Yeah, but can you pin it down without arithmetic? She's ovulating – if she was a stripper I wouldn't know why but I'd probably wanna tip her She's ovulating – she's dressed so provocative My histocompatibility complex is majorly Intoxicating – girl, I'm so symmetrical But you can't tell if you're on a contraceptive pill Instead of ovulating – I'm not tryin' to conceive with you But right now something makes me wanna be with you Okay, so you don't exactly know when it is But we can measure it and how it affects your preferences See, I've been reading up on you scheming s*uts And there's a method to your madness, and yeah, it's devious What changes is your preference for specific traits And the relative weight you a**ign them in potential mates When you hit peak fertility, suddenly you're into symmetry And guys with no resources but high creativity When just a week before you were all about liquidity And suddenly now it's what? Facial masculinity And fantasizing about infidelity? – Pathetic! These are obviously adaptations to maximize the genetic Quality of your offspring at the expense of wannabe Fathers, who provide the benefits of monogamy Well I'm onto your little scheme, and I'm gonna put a stop to it How? My plan is in effect right now It's called the "oral contraceptive pill" And no, it's not a trick – the benefits are real Basically it takes everything that makes you adaptively moist And replaces it all with rational choice When you're on it, you can't smell histocompatibility So your kids' immune systems might end up a little weak But think about the benefits, please! All the non-masculine, asymmetrical men can breed! And now your infidelity can be about trading-up Instead of trying to get pregnant by a stud We can all relate to trading-up, fine, fair enough It's just paternity uncertainty that tears us up 'Cause we understand the facts on the ground It's kind of like hiring a contractor for your house You can't get it done well and fast, and cheap You almost always have to choose two out of three And ladies, it seems like the man of your dreams Has good resources, good behaviour, and good genes But unless you're name happens to be Angelina Jolie You might just have to choose two out of three Just be careful who you choose when you're pill poppin' I understand that reproductive choice feels awesome But if you don't ovulate then you can't smell a match And mismatched relationships just don't tend to last She's ovulating – if she was a stripper I wouldn't know why but I'd probably wanna tip her She's ovulating – she's dressed so provocative My histocompatibility complex is majorly Intoxicating – girl, I'm so symmetrical But you can't tell if you're on a contraceptive pill Instead of ovulating – I'm not tryin' to conceive with you But right now something makes me wanna be with you